


Hearts Within Me

by Dollydefloral



Category: 2doc - Fandom, Gorillaz
Genre: 2DocMpreg, 2doc - Freeform, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gorillaz - Freeform, Mpreg, OC, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-09 17:00:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 28,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19480204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dollydefloral/pseuds/Dollydefloral
Summary: 2D and Murdoc learn they are to be parents. Murdoc struggles with his past and fears he won't be a good father while 2D tries to adjust into motherhood.





	1. Safe In Your Arms

He hummed lightly into my ear while the room lingered of sweet sex. His hands caressed my body slowly he was gentle... caring... loving... his eyes were honest but with a deep shade of black within them they seemed ice cold which brought fire into my eyes. Light kisses began pressing against my neck a soft moan escaped my lips and he couldn't help but smile in satisfaction. 

"...Muds" I whispered lightly closing my eyes. 

He smiled again against my neck and I felt as if he'd tease me. 

"Wot' is it?" I asked, my eyes slowly opening. "Nothin' faceache" he replied as his lips slowly pressed against mine. I smiled into the kiss as I felt his arms come around me into an embracing hug. That was the only time I felt safe in anyone's arms.


	2. Love In the Afternoon

My cheek gently rested against his chest the soft pumps of his heart soothe me as I felt his long fingers Rub my back. I decided to break the silence with a soft sigh and his eyes opened. I looked up at him. 

"...sorry" I whispered. 

"Don't worry about it dullard, I wasn't sleepin' just had my eyes closed" he said with a smile. I turned my head back on his chest and nodded pressing light kisses against it as he rubbed my messy azure hair.

Murdoc and I have been married for about a year now and so far we've been happy in our home on 212 west wobble street London. I was three months pregnant Murdoc wasn't very excited about the whole becoming a parent thing but we worked things out. Growing up Murdoc was neglected and abused by his father so I understood why he was afraid of becoming one himself. 

"I have a feeling it's going to be a girl" I said quietly. 

"...why?" He moved his head to look at me. I shrugged. "I donno Muds... jus' feels like' it" I sat up slowly against the edge of the bed rubbing the small bump. Murdoc looked at me slowly with wondering eyes he sat up and pressed his chest against my back and laid his large hands softly against the round of my skin. I looked down at his hands and smiled his lips pressed softly at the back of my head as he whispered "I love you".


	3. Who called?

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside the sheets was still warm and it tangled against my legs as I turned to my side slowly to look at Murdoc who was standing outside on the balcony smoking a cigarette he was shirtless as usual with only a pair of black faded jeans that was folded upwards at the bottom. I gazed at him with a soft smile his raven black hair was blowing in the swift wind the beautiful narrow lines that creased down his back glistered in the glooming sunlight of London. He flicked the butt of the cigar as it fell down from the balcony making his way back inside. He smiled at the sight of me awake. 

"Mornin' Stu" Murdoc sang out happily "sleep well?" I nodded and giggled removing the sheets from my legs to sit up. 

"Rachel called this mornin' she wanted to know how you were doin" Murdoc said walking towards me. 

"Me mum called?, how come yew didn't wake me up?!" I quickly grabbed my phone from the night stand. I didn't see it was a missing call. 

"...Muds, you talked to my me mum'? Murdoc nodded laying back against the bed. "She wasn't the nicest I could tell ya' that much." He chuckled.

"...Ah... what she said?" I stared silently into the dark screen of the phone. 

"That she and David misses you" He said finally closing his eyes. 

"...oh." I said softly.


	4. Fear

I wanted to tell them but I didn't know where to begin. It's been two days sense mum called and I still haven't got back to her. She's been blowing up my phone yet I was to afraid to answer so I avoided her calls. A soft knock was heard from the door as I gazed up towards it. 

"Come in" I said softly wondering who it was. Noddle walked through the door with a happy smile on her face.

"Good morning 2D" she said cheerfully.

I smiled at her softly "morning' luv, sleep well?" She nodded walking over towards me sitting on the bed. 

"Murdoc and Russel went out to the grocery store, they'll be back soon." I nodded silently still a little sleepy. "2D, something's wrong?" She asked softly. "Oh I'm fine noods, just sleepy that's all" I lied.


	5. Hello Mum

"...E-Ello mum," I said into the phone softly.

"Stuart!?", is that you!?" I nodded as if she'd see it. "yes it's me mum, I'm here." I lightly pressed my hand against my belly for comfort. "Oh, darling" she sighed in relief. "I'm so glad to hear your voice again... I thought... I thought that monster did something to you!" I looked down a bit realizing what she meant by monster. "Murdoc is not like that any more mum! he's changed!"

"Stuart... me and your father are worried about you... just please come home I haven't seen you in weeks." I sighed and agreed. "I'll come tomorrow in the afternoon and I'll bring Murdoc with me theirs something we have to tell you." She spoke softly "I'll see you tomorrow then." She hung up the phone and I removed mines from my ear setting it back against the nightstand.


	6. Wake Up Murdoc

The cool air blowed against my nude body and I quickly grabbed Murdoc black band shirt and slip into it. It fit a tad bit too big but it was a comfortable size for me. I slowly turned around from the bed and got on top of my husband who was sleeping soundly until I disturbed him. "Muds..." I whispered with a smile. "Sod off." He managed to say in his sleep. "Come on Murdoc." I shook him lightly desperate for him to wake up.

"Fuck off faceache" I pouted slowly. Murdoc isn't particularly a morning person but I managed to not let that discourage me. "...Muds..." I whispered again leaning against his neck as I traced the tip of my tongue carefully against his rough skin. Murdoc moved his head slowly baring his light green skin on his neck. "2D..." he said softly in a groan I smiled and rolled my hips back against his groin as I heard him gasp softly pushing his hips upwards against me. A shiver ran down my spine as I shivered lightly and moaned grinding down against his morning wood. His eyes and mouth opened as he tossed his head back cumming into his boxers shuddering beneath me during the process. "Are you a wake now muds?" I smiled still rolling my hips against his manhood.

"Y-yeah..." He replied out of breath groaning.


	7. Home Again

"How the Fuck' I ended up driving us to your parents house." Murdoc said sounding a bit upset. "I told you Murdoc I'm going to tell them about my pregnancy and I need you there for support, if you're not their it'll look bad." I said finally looking out the window. 

"I haven't seen their bloody faces ever sense I knocked your eyeballs out your head." He suddenly focus on driving mumbling things I couldn't quite make out as I stared silently out the window watching the cars pass by.

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"We're here Stuart" Murdoc said finally I blinked slowly turning to look at him. "...oh..." Is all I said. "Coming back here brings a lot of memories, don't it stu?" He smiled and patted my back I nodded silently giving him a slight smile. "Yeah.... it does muds." He looked at me slowly with a frown "you alright love?" I nodded slowly. "You're a terrible lier 2D , come on spit it." I looked at him slowly and sighed. "I don't know how to tell my parents about this Murdoc, I'm scared." He took my hand slowly and sighed looking at me. "Isn't this why you brought me here for support?" He smiled kissing my fingers and I returned a toothless grin. 

Murdoc gave my hand a little squeeze as he let it go getting out the car and walking over to my side to open the door. "Come on." he held his hand out offering it to me. I nodded un fasting my seatbelt taking his hand as I made my way out the wenniebago. Murdoc locked the car as we held hands walking towards the door we stood in front of it as I let out a shaky breath turning my head to look at Murdoc he looked back at me and nodded. I reached my hand towards the door about to knock when it opened suddenly. "Stuart!" Mother called taking me in an embracing hug. I smiled and she hugged me tightly pulling away quickly. "Don't ever to this to me again Stuart!" She said her eyes getting watery. "I know mum, I-I'm sorry." I said sincerely she smiled at me. "Come on inside love." She said as I walked in with Murdoc still holding his hand she glared at him though and he felt it. We walked over sitting on the couch and I looked around with a smile taking the familiar atmosphere. "It's been a long time sense I've been here I bet my room is still how I left it." Murdoc gave a smirk. "We should go check it out, eh?" He looked amused and I knew exactly what he was referring to as my cheeks flushed.

Mother had closed the door and sat in front of us on the couch. "Murdoc" she said in a greet glaring at him again. "Rachel" he said finally greeting back as he stared at her I felt the tension and interrupted with a slight cough. "So mother where is father?" I asked as she turned to me. "At work hunny, aren't you going to take off your coat?" She then said I froze and stared at her. "Oh I'm fine mum don't worry." She nodded looking at me strangely. "Well how about some tea?" She smiled getting up walking over to the kitchen, Murdoc got up still holding my hand. 

"Come on 2D" he said looking down at me I got up slowly as he helped me up. "Mum me and muh'doc are going up to my bedroom we'll be down in ten minutes" I called out. "Alright darling." She called from the kitchen as we made our way up the stairs and into the bedroom I looked around and everything was just how I left it. I smiled and opened the window while Murdoc closed the door locking it and throwing himself on the bed. "Come e're you blue haired god." He said jokingly I smiled and walked towards him sitting on the edge of the bed. "How's the baby?" He then asked tugging on the coat. I slowly took it off. "Fine" I replied he nodded slowly. "I wanted to wait till father came to tell them." Murdoc looked at me with soft eyes. "We can if you want, whatever works best." I nodded holding Murdoc's hands slowly.


	8. The Big News

"So now that we're all here, what is it you want to tell us Stuart?" My fear then spoke. I was sitting next to Murdoc on the couch as mother and father sat next to each other across from us it was silent and I squeezed Murdoc's hand hoping he'd say something. I looked over to him who was looking down at his feet silently. I sighed and looked back at my parents I had left my coat upstairs on the bed hoping they didn't notice anything But in the end it didn't matter because I was telling them anyways. "Well Murdoc and I... are going to have a child." I then said softly. Murdoc froze and his hand started to shake he then moved his hand away putting his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer. "Yeah we're having a kid." He then said turning towards me with a smile pecking me on the lips. They looked at us silently still processing the situation mother then sighed. "How many months Stuart?" She looks at me in the eyes. "Three" I said quickly looking at her back she seemed upset but my father looked the opposite. "My little stu is expecting I'm so happy I am to be a grandpapa." He said cheerfully. I smiled a little looking at my mother who seem emotionless. "Mum." I broke her gaze and she turned her head to look at me then she got upset and left to the kitchen. 

I let out a shaky breath and Murdoc held me tightly. "Its okay" he whispered kissing my cheek. "I love you." I smiled pulling him closer. "Me too." I whispered. "Murdoc I think you should go on home and take Stu, I'll go talk to Rachel about this." Murdoc nodded slowly helping me up. "I'll call as soon as we get home." My father nodded and rubbed my cheek as he smiled softly at me. "I'm happy for you darling don't mind your mother I'm sure she'll understand." I nodded slowly as he walked back over to the kitchen. Soon enough Murdoc and I were already in the car driving home it was a silent drive and once again I was gazing out the window watching the cars go by. 

"Well that was bloody fuckin' fantastic., don't you think doll?!" Murdoc broke the silence as he growled. 

"Relax Muds'. "I said quietly. "She'll understand we just have to give it some time." 

"Fuck!" he exclaimed. "I know she fucking hates me ever sense we started dating, ever sense I knocked you're eyes out she didn't like me!" Murdoc yelled looking angrily ahead. 

"Luv, relax she haves a reason to be upset and I know you've changed and she will too it's only a matter of time." I said softly. 

"At least David likes me." He said more calmly. 

I smiled and nodded. We were home and Murdoc parked the Winnie outside still sitting on his seat. "2D" he said quietly. "Yes" I looked over to him. "Why did you marry me? He stared silently out the window. "Why did you marry me even though Rachel asked you not to, even after everything I did to you?" I looked at him with soft eyes. "Because I love you." I responded. "And because my mother can't make decisions anymore for me, I'm not a child." I looked away slowly as the atmosphere got quiet. "She was trying to protect you from me." He then said. "I know but I love you and that's all that matters, she's not going to change that." Murdoc softly smiles to himself and nodded. "You go in then love I think I'll still be in the Winnie for a bit." I nodded moving out the car leaving Murdoc to his thoughts. I walked back in the house and slowly up the steps closing the door behind me. I took a long hot shower and slipped on Murdoc's shirt and a pair of pink shorts that I wore in our bedroom. laid over on the bed, apparently Russel and Noddle were already asleep so I checked my phone to see what time it was Murdoc had been sitting in the car for about 32 minutes or so I thought, well maybe he slept in it who knows. I looked at the screensaver it was a picture of us on our wedding day I smiled I thought Murdoc Look so good in a Tux he almost didn't wear it and as for me I wore a wedding dress it was a slim dress with lace at the arms and an open back it had a long tail and it was very beautiful but I though it would look a lot more better on a model or somefink, Murdoc insisted Upon it even so I didn't really feel comfortable wearing it I think it's because i wanted him to wear the tux. We were holding hands with a big smile on our faces I never knew Murdoc could smile so beautifully when he wanted to everyone was there my parents, Russel and Noddle, celebrities whom we have collabed with and consider family, even Murdoc's Dad and Brother too. I put the phone down to look at my wedding band on my finger remembering when Murdoc first slipped it on. Murdoc wasn't the biggest fan of marriages considering his religion but he still tried and that made me happy. He hardly wore his wedding ring because he was afraid of loosing it but he does when we're or he is in public.

I smiled softly resting my hand back against my belly feeling the warmth beneath my hand. "You know little one." I started talking. "Me and Murdoc, or I should say your father are going to take care of you and you're going to be happy." I smiled rubbing in small circles. "I wonder what we're going to call you, I don't know your gender yet but pretty soon we'll know." I said finally. 

Murdoc walked in the room closing the door softly behind him. "Who the fuck' are you talking to dullard?" He walked slowly towards the bed looking down at me. "The baby." I whispered softly smiling up at him he smiled back rubbing my hair softly. "How is it doing." I rubbed my belly again. "Fine." I spoke, he nodded. He sat on the other side of the bed. "I thought you wasn't gonna come anymore Muh'doc." He looked at me blinking. "What made you think that luv'? This is my bloody house and I do live e're." I shrugged. "I just thought I guess, cause' you took a long time." He nodded, we remained silent for a while until I came up with something to say again. "We should start thinking about baby names." I said looking at him. "I'm tired of you calling the baby an IT." He shifted on the bed looking at me. "Well it's not my fault I don't know the bloody gender yet!" He gave a small shout. "I know hunny, let's just come up with some names." He nodded silently. "Boy names first!" He said with a smile, I agreed. "I actually thought of Muh'doc maybe he can be a Jr. If it's a boy." He first thought about it then his grinned widen. 

"I actually like that 2D guess you are bright after all." He said teasingly. "Oh shut it!, so now that the boy names is knocked out the way let's move to the girl names." I smiled sitting up excitedly Murdoc helping me up. "I've been thinking about girl names a lot and I actually have a few suggestions so what about Aria, I actually grew found of that name." He looked at me expressionless for a while then spoke. "Fuck no, I don't like it!" He growled. "I once shaged a girl with that name in Mexico, she wouldn't stop fucking talking." I was glaring at him so bad he noticed it. "Alright, alright I'm sorry." Murdoc stared at me then looked at my head, or so I thought he was I couldn't tell because he looked cross-sided. "I've actually thought about this name but I don't know if you'd like it." He rested his hand against my belly rubbing it softly as his long fingers spread out against the round surface . "Tell me." I said softly holding his hand against my stomach. He looked at me slowly mumbling something I couldn't quite hear. "What was that Muds?" He looked at me and said. "Blu." Firmly and looked away I could tell he was embarrassed but I only smiled and held his hand tightly. 

"Muh'doc I love it!" A smile tugged at the corner of his lips and I kissed it holding his his cheeks.

"You don't think it's stupid?" He looked at me with wondering eyes. 

"Of course not it's cute." He smiled relieved. "I thought about it sense you're hair is so beautifully blue, every time I picture our girl I see her with blue hair." I kissed him pulling him into a hug. 

"So it's a girl?" I smirked. "Oh shut it faceache, its definitely a boy" he blushed a little.   
"Well I love it that's exactly what we'll name her." He held me close nodding into my neck.


	9. I’m Sorry

I was already up watching Murdoc sleeping slowly caressing his cheek and rubbing my fingers through his raven locks. He slept like a baby and he seemed so innocent it was strange to look at him like this without his appearance so angry, he was so vulnerable. I brushed his bangs back revealing the slightly lighter green skin. I smiled and kissed his forehead letting go of his bangs as I pulled away. I called dad early in the morning because I didn't get a chance to do it last night, it seemed that mum was still upset about my pregnancy but I think she was more upset that the baby is Murdoc's I didn't care much for it though I still believed that she'd understand more later on. I walked slowly towards the balcony feeling the breeze blow it was gloomy out but it felt pleasant.

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"Can you slow down 2D, you're eating like a bloody horse." 

"Ye, sorry jus' really hungry." I mummer. 

Russel and noddle smiled at each -other. "Muds stop being such a dick about it he's eating for two." Russel said annoyed. 

"Shut it fat arse!" Murdoc yelled frustratedly while noodle tried her best to calm Russel down. I sighed and grabbed my plate of toast, bacon, and eggs with me to the living room leaving all the conflict in the kitchen. I ploped myself on the couch with both my legs folded putting the plate on top of the bump eating silently. 

"Murdoc go talk to 2D." Noddle said in a whisper. 

"Bloody hell noodle I can finally eat in peace could you leave me the fuck' alone!" Murdoc growled and noddle rolled her eyes and finally left the table. 

"You a big dick head you know Murdoc." Russel finally said getting up and leaving as well.

"Fuck all of you!" He yelled lighting a cigarette. By that time I finished eating and I got up slowly walking over to the kitchen to find Murdoc sitting by himself everyone's else plates was still full of food sitting on the tabled I'm assuming they left when I did, maybe not. Murdoc didn't touch his food but was smoking his cigarette. I slowly walked in putting my plate in the sink washing it. It was silent for a while till Murdoc said something. "I'm sorry." He said putting the bud out of his cigarette. I continued to wash the rest of the dishes. "I don't care Murdoc that's not why I left." He turned to look at me which my back was still turned on him. "Why did you leave then?" He asked softly. "Cause' I don't want the baby to be disturbed by yew and Russel's arguments." He sighed and remained silent for a while. Murdoc slowly got up and walked towards me I shivered as he pressed his bare chest against my lower back. "I'm sorry." He said again as he whispered. I nodded into his touch closing my eyes feeling his embrace.But


	10. Soothing

Night had fallen outside I couldn't help but gaze out the window as I sat comfortably in Murdoc's arms in the living room. Noodle and Russel were engaged in some type of conversation while Muds had up and fallen asleep still holding on to me. 

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"2D wake up" Murdoc called quietly. "Mmmm" I rose up slowly wondering what was going on. "Noodle and Russell went to bed but I guess they covered us with some blankets before they left."  
"What time is it Muds?" I asked rubbing my eyes. "One forty five, love." He replied tiredly, I smiled and Laid back into his arms kissing my way up his neck. "I love you Mu'doc." I whispered softly closing my eyes. "I love you too dents." He chuckled softly rubbing my back with his long nails. We stay like this for sometime it was peaceful and relaxing. The soft breathing of Murdoc was soothing me back to sleep.

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"Look at that, I guess they didn't wake up when we left huh, Russel?"

"They always been deep sleepers."


	11. Only You

"Song bird i brought what you asked for." Murdoc peeked from the door grinning. I got off the bed bolting towards him taking the food from him. "Yew didn't bring any of the Mc san'wiches I asked fo'." i said softly looking at him. "Oh, of course i did i bought' three knowing what a fat ass you've become, i forgot it in the winnie I'll go get it for yah stu." He laughed softly while heading down the stairs. I walked back towards the bed putting the food on the night stand table and lay back down against the bed by then Murdoc had already returned. 

"I swear 2D if you don't slow down on your eating your gonna become like lard ass downstairs." he said teasingly. "Muds have yew forgotten i'm eatin' fo' two." I chuckled. "Probably three." Murdoc said while slowly walking back towards me putting the McDonalds bag on the nightstand with the rest of the food. He started to take off his boots, once They were off he tossed them in the closet then threw himself on the bed. 

"Muds your shaking the bed!." 

“Oh, come on your the one to talk fat ass, besides I'll give yah a real reason to really shake the bed." He winked at me and my cheeks flushed. "Muds nuu." I said softly as he started to move closer to me spooning me from behind his rough skin touched my soft ones. A delightful shiver ran down my back as Murdoc hands began to slowly rub up my thighs. "What's wrong blue bird?." He asked amused. I closed my eyes shivering trying not to say anything. He smiled and continued to rub them a moan escaped my lips as i bit my lip gently. "M-Muds p-please stop, what if Noodle or Russel can hear us?." He started to kiss up my neck ignoring my pleas. "Calm down 2D your so stiff relax your body let me ease you, besides it's not like they haven't heard us before." At this point I was feeling really embarrassed as he continued to rub against me. 

I moaned softly pushing my hips back against his groin. Murdoc growled biting into my neck as she gripped my hips grinding back against me. "Muds Mmm, please...." I gave into his touch and murdoc smiled and bit into my neck roughly again sliding down my shorts below my knees I struggled kicking them off my feet and rolled him on his back climbing on top of him. "Dents your so fast aren't yah."I smiled down at him slowly helping him out his pants and back on top of him. "hold my hands muds." Murdoc gave me a devious smile and grabbed hold of my waist. I leaned in for kiss rolling my hips down against him. "baby you're so fucking amazing." He said between breaths I licked my lips looking down at him slowly with lustful eyes. "And you're really hard muds, I could feel you, you're so big." I smiles at him. "So are you going to make love to me or am I going to have to beg for it?." Murdoc gave me an erotic expression and leaned in to pull me closer a small grumble was heard from betweens us and Murdoc looked down blinking. "Not with that empty stomach I'm not." I whined. "Muds I'm fine let's jus' continue." Murdoc smiled teasingly. "Just eat 2D your not gonna let my kid starve because you wanna be selfish." I rolled off of him and onto my side of the bed. He kissed my cheek softly covering us both with the bed sheets. "Go ahead and eat princess." He said softly laying back down. I was too horny to eat but I did as I was told reaching for the McDonald's bag from the night stand. 

A knock was heard from the door and I looked up assuming it was Russel but when the door slightly opened and black messy hair plopped from the side it was just Noodle. "What is it Noods." Murdoc called from the bed his attention also on her. " Russel order pizza if you guys want any she said casually with her slight Japanese accent. I smiled at her in surprise. "Really, we'll be down then." Murdoc turn to look at me slowly with an annoyed look on his face by then noodle had already left downstairs. "What's wrong Mudsy?" He looked away slowly sitting up. "Nothin' let's just go before lard ass Russ finish all the bloody pizza." I giggled putting my shorts back on fixing my shirt. Murdoc put his jeans back on buckling the belt not really carrying to look presentable. "Stop being so mean to Russel Mu'doc it's not nice." He looked back at me and started walking towards the door opening it. "Well he eats everything in this fucking house I get so fucking tired of going to the bloody market two times a week." I walked towards him giving him a kiss. "At least he replaces it at times or goes to the Market with you Muds." Murdoc held my hand and grumbled. "Whatever 2D he's still a lard ass." We walked out the door as he closed it behind us.


	12. The Story Of Stella Pot

I remember when I was sixteen years old I was only a girl when I discovered that I was growing hair in places I shouldn't have. Over time I thought it was normal but everyday I looked in the mirror and I see myself changing it was like Puberty was going in a different direction I couldn't understand my drastic change I was much taller and it seemed I was growing hair on my face but still no breasts. All the girls in school made fun of me for not having any but I was still pretty popular with boys. At that time I was going to St. Wilfred's Junior high I had long brunette hair and two perfectly good eyeballs. I fell out off a tree at the age of eleven hitting my head it caused all my hair to fall out, I refused to go back to school, being called flat chested didn't bother me but bald I couldn't take that. 

My hair was now an azure blue, I loved it but I didn't understand how it was possible that my hair turned a different color just by falling out of a tree and hitting my head. Mum is a Nurse so she provided all the medicine i needed for it. Going back to school wasn't a problem everyone liked my hair but I still didn't have breasts. I started high school in St. Wilfred's high and graduated I wanted to go to college to study law but I didn't have any money for it and mah' parents didn't have enough to put me though school either so I decided to get a job at Uncle Norm's Organ Emporium it was a nice job to start off with I was going to save up so I could start school again but suddenly the expected happen too soon everyone began notice my drastic change no matter how good i was at hiding it didn't last for long. 

My appearance slightly began to change into a male's and my voice has changed too. So mother and father had taken me to the hospital demanding answers. The doctor wasn't quite sure of what was happening to me but they knew that I've changed since my last visit to the hospital. "Stella when did you notice your body started changing?" the doctor asked. "Before I graduated high school, I started growing hair on me face and a lot more everywhere, I thought it was normal Puberty stuff o' summfing'." my mother looked shocked. "How come you didn't tell us about it." I looked at her and shrugged. "I didn't fink' it was a big deal." The doctor broke his gaze from me and looked at my parents. "It seems that your daughter haves pseudohermaphroditism so far we know that she was born with it and it's not because of the incident with the tree I can reassure you that this can be fixed with hormones which can take her back to her normal State and will develop her breasts growth as well she can take them whenever she likes but if she stops taking them for a while it would only take her back to how she looks now."I looked at the doctor slowly then at my parents. "we can definitely do that." my father said relieved there was a solution. I couldn't believe what was happening to me yet it was a bit fascinating. So basically I was now a boy and girl, The appearance of a male and the organs of a female, the scientific word for it is pseudohermaphrodite which I can't pronounce right. The doctors said their was all types of them but mines was specially unique.

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Everyone that knew me called me Stells for short And now it's Stuart, Stuart pot I had my name change after I decided not to take any hormones my parents agreed, they didn't want to at first but it didn't make a difference I'm still their little girl regardless, I just don't look like her anymore. I got rid of all my dresses, skirts, and all the other girly things I owned I kept some of my underwear though because they're actually pretty comfortable and I wasn't sure if I was going to start wearing male undergarments or not, probably not. 

I had brought a new set of clothes just some T-shirts and pants some of them from Thrift shops. Living my life pretending to be a male is something new to me, I still love music and I actually like working at the Emporium, though it's been dead in lately I've seem to a tract a lot of girls I knew they weren't interested in music or buying a new keyboard, they just wanted to talk to me I was flattered but I wondered how they would react if they knew I was a girl too, they probably wouldn't be flirting with me anymore.

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I didn't know how i was going to date or even be in a relationship I mean if I dated a boy it would be considered gay and if I dated a girl i would feel like a lesbian I didn't know how I was going to make it work but I wasn't really looking for a relationship anyways, I was actually fine with flirting with those girls who came by to see me at work almost every day I was happy to talk to them and stuff I mean, my job goes by much quicker when they're around and it gets boring when it's just me by myself so I guess having the girls around flirting with me makes the job pass by much quicker. 

I can tell the girls went to St. Wilfred because I used to wear the same school uniform. "So Stuart, I swear you look like this one girl that used to go to our school she have blue hair just like yours, could you two be possibly be related?, her last name is Pot just like yours." One of the girls giggled in the back. "I doubt it." I laughed nervously. "I don't have any sisters." They all smiled. "Oh I guess not then but she graduated already my brother and her used to be good friends but she up and disappeared and we never really heard from her sense, anyways you have some really long fingers they're nice." I blushed a little. "Well thank you." Is all I managed to say as the other blonde girl said. "I bet those nice long fingers can do other things besides playing a keyboard." They all giggled and i smiled a little laughing with them in embarrassment the manager came in and they all scattered running for the door. "Bye Stuart we'll see you tomorrow!" One of them yelled as they made their way out the door running and across the street I waved at them while the manager glared at me and made his way back in the office. I don't think they were going to see me tomorrow though because that was the day I first met murdoc niccals and we all know how things ends up after that, but yeah... Stells no longer existed in this world anymore. Just Stuart Harold Pot.

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I sat along while gazing out the window I don't know how long I've been doing that but it felt like forever. Murdoc was sitting next to me on the couch he had his eyes closed but I could tell he wasn't sleeping. He looks so peaceful it kind of scared me I held his hand tightly and kissed it softly he sort of smiled and open his eyes turning to look at me. "What are yah doing bluebird?." I smiled and blushed at the sound of the nickname. "Nothin, you're hands are just rough, I like em' a lot." He smiled and closed his eyes again. "I like your hands too their warm and soft." He chuckled softly. We stayed like this holding hands their was silence while enjoying each other's company.


	13. No More Mystery

"Stuart we can't be late to our first ultrasound." murdoc yelled from downstairs. "coming!." I replied back from the bedroom while slipping on my light denim shorts and regular white t-shirt dashing out the room and walking quickly down the steps. "Fuck!Dullard what took so bloody long?!" I smiled and step down the last step hugging Murdoc. "Sorry muds we can leave now." He looked down and frowned. "Where are your bloody shoes?!." I looked down as well and grinned at him. "I forgot to put em' on, you keep rushing me." He rolled his eyes and got my pink chucks from the entrance of the door. "Sit on the stairs I'll help you put these on so we can leave." I nodded doing what I was told sitting down. Murdoc quickly fixed my socks and slipped on my shoes tying the laces. "Are we ready now bluebird?" I smiled softly kissing his lips nodding slowly he let out a little groan and helped me up. "Come on now or we're gonna to be late." He held my hand opening the door and closing it behind us.

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The drive was silent this time, the seeds - can't seem to make you mine was playing on the radio and Murdoc was singing along to it while tapping the steering wheel with his thumbs along to the beat bobbing his head around. I smiled looking at him while holding my belly not getting over the excitement of our first ultrasound. "We won't know the gender yet but at least we'll know how many we're having." Murdoc nodded slowly. "I wouldn't be shocked if we had six of them in there." He chuckled to himself. "Me too, we have too much sex." I giggled. "Not lately." Murdoc murmured keeping steady on the road. I stared at him slowly and blinked. "I - i'm sorry Muhdo'c I'll try much harder." Don't be stupid 2D you're pregnant so don't worry I'm just talking we can wait, after all the baby is more important." He calmly spoke and I nodded remaining silent.

I felt bad for neglecting Murdoc when it came to sex but honestly I always turned him away because I was more concerned about the baby and never in the mood for such things anymore, maybe sometimes but when we try something would always happen, or get in the way. It would start with Murdoc sneaking in bed with me late at night he kisses me and rubs my body all over I'd wake up to see him then I'll tell him "Not now Muds." he'd walk out the door and slam it not being not caring if Russell and noodle sleeping I assume he'd go to his Winnebago and drink his rum away because the next morning he'd smell like it or maybe he just leaves to take care of himself and it happens very often but I still pay no mind to it until now to say the least it really bothers me how Murdoc is suffering with his sexual frustration I know i have to make it up to him, and I also knew how to do it.

"Aye, Faceache!" I snapped out of it realizing the car had been stopped moving. "You know how long I've been calling you moron, we're here let's go!" He got out of the car closing his side of the door and went a round to open mine for me. I stepped out slowly as he closed it back and locked the door. I never minded the name calling like Noods and Russell did I believed that although he called me all these things he just said them because he gets mad very easily and he couldn't help it. I mean he's Murdoc, I know he still loves me but he just haves many ways of showing it and I adored him for it. 

I grabbed Murdoc's arm slowly hugging it as we began to walk to the hospital the glass doors slid open as we stepped in walking to the front desk where our appointment was awaiting us. "Mr. Niccals and Mrs. Niccals welcome we have been expecting you please go to room twenty three the doctor will be with you both shortly." Murdoc nodded and held my hand leading me down the hall and entering room twenty three the room was big and more different from regular hospitals murdoc insisted on taking me to a fancy hospital because of paparazzi's I didn't really wanted to but whatever works best for the baby. The doctor eventually came in and smiled at us. "Hello I'm Dr. Richmond nice to meet you I'll be taking your ultrasound for today." I smiled back and nodded removing my coat and handing it to Murdoc. Murdoc took the coat and shook the doctor's hand trying his best to be polite as possible. My stomach was slightly bigger but I felt a lot more comfortable with it.

I looked up at the Doctor with soft eyes he reminded me of someone but maybe it was just me, same name and everything, Richmond. "Stuart can you lay on the bed and lift your shirt please." The doctor spoke softly as he sat on the chair and rolls himself in front of the large screen setting up the equipment. I did as I was told lifting my shirt up above my belly and laid down carefully. Murdoc was sitting on a chair next to the bed he looked at me and pulled off the most nicest smile he can manage I grinned at him stupidly reaching for his hand he held it as we waited patiently for the doctor to finish. Murdoc hands was shaky but he still held my hand very firmly I could tell he was nervous and I couldn't blame him because I was as well. "Alright seems like we're ready to start." The doctor smiled and stood up from his chair walking over towards the edge of the bed slipping on his rubber gloves. The bed started to recline slowly until I was sitting up. "Alright Stuart this is going to feel a tad bit cold. I nodded slowly looking at Murdoc who was paying attention to what the doctor was doing. The cool transparent liquid was being spread against my sensitive skin as I shivered. The large screen turn on and only a gray darkness could be seen the doctor picked up the wand device and press it against my belly moving it around slowly he looked at the screen as Murdoc and I did as well in search of the baby. The doctor smiled and pointed to the screen. "There they are!." I blinked slowly as my face lit up with a huge smile. "There's two?!" Murdoc seemed expressionless but I wasn't really paying much attention to it. "Yes, there's two of them they're twins and they are perfectly healthy congratulations to the both of you please do come back in 2 months for a check up." Doctor Richmond looked at me one last time slowly and smiled before he walked out of the room. He was really handsome like movie star handsome, piercing blue eyes and a gorgeous a smile with brunette hair but overall he seemed awfully familiar like John...

Murdoc still held my hand but it seems to be shaking more than before. "Muds you're alright?." I asked questionably he seemed to be lost in thoughts because he didn't answer me right away. "Yeah." He responded still not blinking from the screen. "Dr. Richmond printed the ultrasound pictures and put it on the desk for us before he left the room did you hear? we're having twins." I smiled softly feeling teary he didn't say anything and I feel my heart sink. I took my hand back getting some tissue to wipe off the substance from my stomach. "2D, I'm sorry." Murdoc spoke softly rubbing his face. "I - i'm just a bit surprised that theirs two that's all." I smiled a little and moved to get the ultrasound pictures sitting down on Murdoc's lap. "Look Murdoc'h see these little white blobs?, that's our babies." Murdoc looked at the picture and nodded with a smile. "They were wiggling in there but I could barely feel it and Dr. Richmond said they're healthy so I'm really happy about that. Murdocc held me close against his chest kissing my head. "I love you dullard and these little white blobs." I smiled and kissed up his neck softly nodding into the crook of his neck.


	14. I Can Only Wonder

"Oh my God!, there's two of them!?" Noodle squealed excitedly.

"Yes there's bloody two of em' now relax Noods I swear my ears are going to bleed if you keep screaming like that." Murdoc said annoyed coming from the kitchen. "Sorry I'm just soo happy for you guys." I smiled at her and looked at Murdoc who looked grumpy as usual. 

"I'm happy for the both of you too, that's some really good news man." Russel said sitting on the couch next to Noodle. "Ain't this some exciting shit though." 

"yeah a bit nerve-racking as it is, I need a bloody cigarette now, I'll be back." before I could say anything Murdoc walked away going outside I sighed a little and got up. "Well I'm going to bed good night Rus, Noods." they smiled as I head up the stairs slowly walking over to the bedroom.

I laid down on the bed slowly covering myself with the bed sheets. The doctor from yesterday have been running through my mind all day I felt like I've seen him before but I couldn't quite remember him until it hit me. "Could it be?." I whispered to myself slowly sitting up. "Could it be him?." 

"Could it be who?." A voice was heard from the door. It was Murdoc looking at me with his unlighted cigarette in his mouth. "An old friend of mine." I said quietly. "You had friends?, you 2D!?" He laughed softly but the only thing I manage to do is nod then look down. "I'm only kidding bluebird, who are you talkin' about anyways?." I looked up slowly starting into space just thinking for a long while Murdoc looked at me confused but didn't say anything. "John." I said softly remembering.

Murdoc closed the door softly behind him and walked over towards the bed sitting down. "Who the bloody hell is John!?" He didn't look mad nor serious when he asked his question just curious. He gazed at me with wondering eyes hoping I would answer. "His name is John, John Richard Richmond." I look back over at Murdoc who looked back at me. "He's the doctor we've seen yesterday for our appointment he's been my best friend since middle school to high school.

Murdoc didn't know exactly what to say so he only stared at me. For a while it's been silent but I couldn't find anything to say all I can think about is John and how he took it when I ran away, when I abandoned him. I didn't know if he knew me or remembered me he couldn't possibly I look like a totally different person from the one he remembers as a kid. A girl perhaps, I don't even remember how I looked like before but the only thing I do remember is how people said how pretty I was or how pretty were my eyes.

"Murdoc am I pretty?." I asked quietly looking down at my feet. Murdoc turned to look at me. I was crying. "Yess, you are, you are very Pretty Dents, you're beautiful." I smiled a little feeling releaved. Murdoc put his arm around me and I leaned in getting comfortable on his shoulder. "I don't think he recognized me Muds I look too different now but he haven't changed a bit he still looks the same." I sniffled wiping my tears away. Murdoc looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't, he held me closer I didn't know what he was thinking but I know whatever it was it was making him cry too. 

"I'm soo sorry Stu". He keeped crying.


	15. The Old You

It's been a week and I finally build the courage to talk to Dr. Richmond about who I truly was and our past friendship Muds agreed to help and he was actually supportive about the idea of me reunitting with one of my best friends since I could remember. Murdoc brought the car over while I waited outside. "Aye, come on we don't have all day love." I smiled at him and walked around the car getting in.

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Murdoc drove to a nice little cafe near the hospital called Jack's coffee that is where John agreed to meet me. As we drove past the cafe to park the car I could see him outside the cafe drinking a cup of coffee he was dressed sharp as usual with a pair of Grey slacks, a white button-up shirt and light brown brogue shoes. John screamed sophistication and he has since high school. Murdoc open his door and hopped out walking around to open my side of the door like he usually does. "Thank you." I said Softly he smiled and nodded. 

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?." He said sounding a bit sad and persuasive. Since last week me and John made plans to meet and Murdoc's been trying to convince me to let him go I've never seen him so persistent about anything I wanted to do but I was really happy and grateful that he cared so much about this as much as I did I didn't want Murdoc to go because I wanted to do this on my own so for the first time ever I had to turn him down. "I'll be fine Muds I don't want you to worry I promise this will only take an hour and then I'll give you a call to come get me." Murdoc looked defeated but he nodded again and looked at me with soft Eyes giving me a kiss. "I want you to take less than an hour so we can go home and I can talk to my kids." He said holding my cheeks as i giggled lightly touching his hands. "Okay, I'll try Muds." He nodded holding my hands kneeling down to kiss my belly. "Bye." He whispered softly and went up to give me one last kiss on the forehead I smiled into the kiss. He held my hand tightly slightly walking back towards the car not wanting to let go of my hand until he finally did he gave me a sad small smile. I stood on the sidewalk watching him get back in the car. " I love you." I said waving at him. He smiled and waved back. "I love you too blue bird and those tiny little things inside of you." He laughed starting the car. "Bye 2D call me when you're ready to come get yah." I nodded slowly, looking at him. He smiled back at me and drove off. I stay there watching until he turned the corner and I no longer could see him I sighed to myself a bit closing my eyes trying to explain this Happiness I feel inside. "Stuart." a soothing voice spoke from behind me and I immediately recognized it. "Dr. Richmond." I said softly turning around to look at him. He was always so handsome, especially in person he had dark brownish hair that was long enough to stop at his neck and curl behind his ear, and it was well groomed. He had light skin almost sun kissed with barely visible freckles and tall, 6.3 to be exact, not too far from my height, he smelled of rich Cologne and he had a very expensive watch on his left risk. His beautiful blue eyes looked at me in delight, "how are you today? " I smiled at him. "I'm doing quite well and yourself?" He smiled back. "I'm doing great, come on our table's right outside." He walked over, opening the small outdoor gate to the cafe. I walked in and he closed it back behind himself, walking over to the table and pulling out a chair for me. John has always been gentlemanly I wouldn't blame him, his whole family are very rich and famous people, a family of actors, really, I don't even know how he ended up a doctor. I walked over sitting on the seat he selected for me, pulling it closer towards the table as I sat he walked over across from me sitting in his seat. I could tell his coffee was cold that's how he liked it. "Cold coffee?" He smiled. "Oh yes, old habbit really." he chuckled to himself. "I see." I smiling at him. "Well, I know you're concerned about the twins, so we can go ahead and talk about that, next month, you have another appointment with me, so make sure you don't forget." I looked at him slowly nodding as the waiter came." hello, what may I get for you today?" He was average height with green eyes and blond hair. "Green tea with just a little bit of sugar in and a nice swan scone to go with it." I could see John smile to himself, I'm not sure if he remember something or maybe it was the way I said it. "Of course, Sir and you Dr Richmond?" The waiter turned to John. "I'll have the usual again thank you Thomas." The waiter smiled an nodded at both of us making his way back to the kitchen. "You know him?." I asked softly. " yes, I'm actually a regular considering that the hospital's right around the corner from here, sometimes I don't have time to go far to eat, so I come here there's times I have to run to the hospital after I order a meal because someone's at the brink of death it's very convenient though." I looked at him slowly. "that's a lot of work i don't know how you do it." I said my eyes softening. He nodded. "I love what I do, I love helping people." I smiled at him. "you always have." I whispered. He looked slowly at me, I could tell he wasn't upset or anything he looked alot more curious and puzzled. "I came to talk to you about something else not the babies." He hummed lightly as the waiter came back with our drinks setting them carefully in front of us against the table. "Anything else I can get you with?" John shook his head quietly, the waiter nodded and went on to attend other people. John got up off his seat slowly and walked over towards me, pulling out his wallet taking out a small Polaroid picture. The picture showed four kids all in uniform, a girl and a boy with brunette hair, their smiles wide and happy, the girl had Hazel eyes and the boy's were an angel blue, finally, there was us in the back, John, making a funny face and me holding the peace sign up it's strange how I can remember this picture like it was yesterday how I can remember my femininity brunette with actual eyeballs, blue. He looked at me quietly with hope in his eyes." I finally found you Stella, I know you couldn't run too far from me." He said softly as I smiled sadly at him. "How did you know it was me." I asked as I looked down with tears in my eyes. "you can run away and be a boy, become famous in a really cool band and I can still recognize you, anywhere." He slowly wiped my tears away." I missed you so much Stell's I never stopped thinking about you and I never stopped looking for you either." I looked at him again. "I never forgotten about anyone else either, I wasn't sure how anyone had taken it after I left." He sighed. "Not soo well, you're parent's wouldn't tell me, or anyone else where you were or what happened to you, but for sure, I was the only one who really knew." I took a sip of my warm tea slowly. "H-how?" I asked curiously. 

He gave me a careful look and he sat next to me in the next chair, grabbing hold of his coffee and taking a short sip. "I found out that my uncle was your doctor all those years ago, he and my father were talking about a patient who had Pseudohermaphoroditeism by the name of Stella pot, I overheard everything I couldn't really believe it That's when I realized why you were so distant from me from everyone, Charlie and Lumen I knew you were going to leave and start a new life, because my uncle later told my father that you refuse treatment, a person who has Hermaphoroditeism only fate is to slowly convert to the opposite sex while still renaming your natural born sex in other words if your born a male with Hermaphoroditeism during puberty you will start looking more like a girl but still remain a man that's only if one who possess's Hermaphoroditeism refuses treatment their fate is to end up the opposite sex while still being their natural born sex When I made this research really young, I decided to become a doctor and start my quest looking for you, I don't know if you remembered my sister but she went to your job almost every day with her friends after school, she didn't know it was you until I told her later on in life she really thought you were related to Stella but you were her the whole entire time she used to come home and talk about a boy with blue hair, I never knew anyone with blue hair except you when you fell off that tree that's when I knew where to find you I knew it was you but unfortunately I lost track of you I heard you were in horrible accidents constantly in the hospitals I search all the ones in London hoping I could find you there but it wasn't till I was in my twenties I found out you where in a band and the rest is history it wasn't till now that I found you with some green bloke."

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	16. To The Old You (Part 2)

What happened blue bird why you're so silent?, did everything went well with your little friend?."

Murdoc was driving home asking me questions and so concerned honestly I didn't really feel much like talking not after what happened with John not after everything I did to him he still cared about me enough to become a Doctor just to find me just to make sure I was okay and I just left, I left everyone behind. "I'm okay Muds we can talk about it when we get home." He nodded continuing to drive. 

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Noodle was on the couch reading a book and Russell in the kitchen making everyone something to eat it was really nice to be home again. "How did it go D?." Noddle sprung off the couch walking quickly towards me I smiled a little hugging her. "It was great, I honestly though he have forgotten all about me and it was just a coincidence we meet again but I was wrong everything he did was for me." She smiled and hugged me back tightly. "I'm really happy for you D."  
Murdoc closed the door behind himself and took his shoes off walking over on the couch laying on it. "Aye, y'all want some burgers." Russell called from the kitchen. Murdoc with his eyes closed raised his hand up. 

"Over here Rus." He called.  
"How Many M?" Rus asked.  


"Two is fine for me."Murdoc replied raising the peace sign in the hair for Rus to see then carefully rest it back on his abdomen. Noodle soon let go of me and sprinted to the kitchen. "I'll have three and I'm sure D would have the same amount too." She smiled back at me and I nodded at her. "Coming right up!" Russell said happily. 

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We were all in the living room enjoying our meal with a glass of fresh orange juice that Rus prepared for us except Murdoc he decided to have six shots of Tequila straight but the good news about all this is that Muds and Rus get along quite well now their practically good friends well, almost they just don't argue as much as they have before. 

"So D tell us about the Dr." Noddle said leaning against Muds. "Yeah we're all dieing to know if he's a lot better than Murdoc." Murdoc rolled his eyes at Rus smart remarks and turned to look at me curiously. I looked silently at him flickering my lashes. 

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He held my hand tightly as if he never wanted to let go of it, it was warm from the coffee he was holding he looked at me with very worried eyes I didn't even know where to begin, but I began with. "I'm sorry." That's all I managed to say so pathetically. He slowly smiled at me holding my hand a little tighter. "Please don't apologize I'm sure when you're ready you'll be able to tell me everything maybe next time I'll invite you to tea." I nodded back smiling up at him holding back my tears. 

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"What I mostly remember we spent the last 23 minutes talking about all the things we did in high school then their was a really bright flash then I called Muds to get me and then he hugged me tightly and we parted ways." I finished looking at everyone. 

"And then you we're all sad looking when I picked you up explain that 2D." Murdoc added. 

I looked down slowly. "I was a little sad because I left everyone behind including him and he still tried his best to look for me he never gave up I really believe it was such a disappointment when he seen me because I wasn't the girl he once knew but he didn't care, he didn't care about that at all he still excepted me even so I look like this But soon he'll invite me to tea again and I'll be able yo tell him everything I couldn't today." I said looking away from everyone. 

"Aww he sounds like a dream." Noddle said cheerfully. 

"You look fine to me if he doesn't like the way you look now then fuck him 2D i think you’re looks are sexy." Muds mentioned and my cheeks only got hot. 

"You're the one that made him look like this, no offence 2D you're, a god Damn creep Murdoc." Russell added.

I felt Russell hand pet me on the head and for once I actually felt soo complete we we're an actual family and now that John is back into my life and the twins will be here soon theirs nothing more than bliss and full Euphoria waiting for me or so I thought.


	17. Warmth

"2D." Murdoc said softly.   
"Mmm." I leaned my head back against his chest to look up at him and grinned he smiled at me rubbing my hair with his nails. "The water is soo Warm muds." He nodded slowly as I rubbed the bump under the water. 

"I like baths." He breathed. 

"I like them too." I smiled happily.   
"Not as much as I like you." He said, sounding quite seductive in my ear. "No, scratch that, not as much as I love you, their, ain't that sound a lot more better now done it? I could tell that oddly Murdoc was being to enthusiastic today but to be honest I like his enthusiasm. "It does." I whispered softly against his lips turning my head more to kiss him he held me closer rubbing his hand down my back slowly as his breathing was steady against my neck. "Let it happen." He said softly. I could feel his hand on my hips now pulling me closer towards his body. "Please." He begged. I looked into his eyes to see how desperately he wanted this so it happened. 

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Everything felt so natural the way he kissed me and the way he caressed my body he's soo loving and gentle at the same time everything was falling into place because it just happened because, we let it. 

I could feel Murdoc sliding in and out of me as I drifted into mumbles I gripped the sheets tightly as I moaned uncontrollably begging him for more. Murdoc couldn't help but chuckle to himself it takes him a while to get me so worked up especially sense I'm incredibly shy. 

"I think you're quite the enthusiasm today Angel voice." I blushed covering my face with my arm trying not make eye contact with him but he only moved my hand away and held it in place so I wouldn't do it again as he continued to move deeper into me. It satisfied him to see me in this state but I tried to comply as much as I could. By then I was loosing my mind and my head was spinning as I lost myself in the pleasure that lust provided. Murdoc was thrusting into me soo good I started to drool I threw my head back whimpering as the sensation was becoming too unbearable. 

"P-please.... "   
"Please what? "  
"M-more."  
"More what? "  
"D-daddy please."

I looked up at Murdoc who only gave me a sweet smile. "I love it when you beg darling." I tried to hide away but he only tighten his grip on me. "No running away my sweet dove show me more of this side of yours." I could feel Murdoc slowly sliding out of me while pressing kisses against my neck and biteing it gently. "Muds p-please." I whispered. "Go back in." I looked up at him blushing deeply. "I will in a second my love I want you to feel good, don't you want to feel good Angel voice?" I nodded slowly still gazing up at him. He shifted upward and began to kiss on my lips to my neck and slowly down against my stomach as nervous as I was I let Murdoc take over me completely. Murdoc opened my legs slowly and began to leave kisses down the inside of my thighs I slightly opened them wider for him to have more access he smiled amused that I took the initiative to do so. I could feel Murdoc getting closer as I closed my eyes and moaned when I felt his tongue licking my clit. Dispite his teeth being sharp Murdoc always knew how to pleasure me. "2D your pussy is soo sweet as always." I blushed as I began to get wetter Murdoc continued licking and sucking as I ran my fingers through his hair tugging it closer. "Mmm don't stop please." Murdoc held my thighs open beginning to eat me more at this point I'm fighting to hold back my moans but it only releases more loudly afraid that someone might hear I bite my lip but only that's useless. "I want you to moan because when I'm done here I'm gonna to finish making love to you." My cheeks got hot but I agreed by nodding slowly letting go of Murdoch's hair holding the sheets tightly as he continued this time only sucking my clit I felt my eyes water as I gasped I rolled my hips against his mouth not running away. "M-muds i-it feels soo good I'm gonna cum." Murdoc smiled sucking and rolling his long-fully skilled tongue against it not stoping. I moaned my eyes turning white shaking uncontrollably as I began to squirt non stop Murdoc pleased as always watched. My body began to calm down but I still shook here and there Murdoc moved up to give me a kiss and wipe my tears away as I sniffled closing my eyes. "You look like you enjoyed yourself." I nodded laughing softly as I breathed heavily. 

"Come here and put it back in me." I said looking into his eyes. "Only if you say Daddy. " He smiled and grabbed a hold of his hard cock and rubbed it against the entrance gently pushing in half way in. I moaned in delight as he hovered over me i spread my legs wider and wrapped my arms around his neck feeling him thrust harder into me. I could feel him growl and groan against my neck as I moan loudly loosing control. "D-daddy daddy please harder!" it only took him a little while to cum until he was breathing hard against my chest. I smiled and closed my eyes gasping and wiping the sweat off of Murdoc's temple. "That was incredible." He said looking up at me and kissing me on the lips. "Yeah, incredible." I breathed.

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Me and Murdoc ended up taking a shower together it felt soo good to finally be able to make love again after it being so long I was happy to just let go. After our shower we laid naked on the bed Murdoc cuddling me and spooning me from behind we talked about random things for hours till eventually night feel I could see the moonlight creeped against our bed it felt luminous and it helped me drift to sleep.


	18. Let’s Start A New Album

Things are still the same here, well, almost ever since murdoc cried and apologize, what seemed for no reason he's been a lot more nicer, he stopped the name calling and the nagging, the sarcasms, even drinking, it was all strange to me, but I never really asked why, all of a sudden it was like he was a different person. within a whole week, he's been ranting about new music, new collab, new Gorillaz, and a whole brand new album. For a while, he's been distant but now I know why. 

"How about it hmm?, Humanz."

"Humanz I like the sound of that." Noodle grinned. 

"Considering it's been a while we've realased an album, since plastic beach really, I spent all week in the studio writing these tracks, it's about time we make a new record, we're back on our feet, we're all together as a band again and -"

"Wait hold up man." Russel interrupted. "Haven't you forgotten that 2D's pregnant I'm down for this album, but no one knows about this except us."

"It's true we can't hide it forever, or at least for this long, if we're gonna make a new album then the whole World has to know about D." Noodle added. 

"Dont worry, I haven't forgotten that my indoors is up the Duff, we'll make a press conference announcing the new album and 2D's pregnancy after that, no more hiding how about it 2D? "Everyone turned and stared at me to be honest i wasn't paying much attention, I got distracted again, staring out the window. 

"Sure," Is all I managed to say blinking.

"Okay!" Noodle said excitedly. "How about a new make over, new record means new fashion for band members right? plus your look is getting really old Muds." Murdoc laughed and for the first time he actually laughed like he really wanted to. "Alright how about it M?" 

"Good idea Noods then let's start with 2D." I looked confused but the next thing I know I'm being pulled to Noodles room by noodle herself. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It seemed for a while that nooddle was just a 10 year old girl playing for a band called the Gorillaz but now when I look at her she's all grown up hardly recognizable. I remember when we first had her she used to follow Murdoc around like a little duckling she called him dad, I guess she really wanted a father or more like a father figure and Murdoc was proud but eventually she grew distant from him because of his behavior. Later on she turned to Russell for a father figure and went on calling him. "dad." It crushed Murdoc's soul if he had any, but he knew in the end he never wanted to be a father and then later on he seemed to not care anymore that his Precious Noodle wasn't calling him Dad anymore. I guess I was more like the mom I cared for Noodle like she was my own ever sense she was little I used to do her hair and we'd watch zombie flicks and things like that, their were fun and now she's a young lady. Times do fly. I was looking around in her room and things definetly change In here too it was still decorated in her honorable Japanese style but a lot more did change. 

"How are you so fashionable now, noddle?" she smiled and shrugged noddle, didn't really talk unless she really had to. "Let's do something different with you today D." I looked up at her. "like woh?"

"I don't know, maybe something really edgy." I cringed a little. "I think my fashion looks aren't so bad noodle." She smiled. "I know I know, but if we're going to do a new album we have to give it our all." I nodded blinking. "So what do you have in mind?" She smiled at me. "How about a more feminine look? Just a little bit of makeup is fine if you want it'll look good on you considering you look feminine enough let's jus enhance it." I blush all my life i've been avoiding this, and it's so strange to me when I hear it from Noodle honestly, it wasn't till now that I realized I miss being a girl. "Let's do it. " I smiled at her and she smile back at me pulling out her makeup brushes and eyeshadow palettes."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It's been an hour and a half since noodle finish my makeup but she about decided that makeup wasn't enough to change my look, so she called her Nail stylist and her personal stylist to bring the latest outfits and accessories they could find, and about 20 minutes i've been trying on clothes. Having different looks assigned, a hair stylist working on my hair and someone doing my manicure and pedicure. 

"Well, I hope you didn't over do it."  
"I think he looks great." 

I blushed again feeling my cheeks turn hot from the campliment i received from Noodle. I honestly felt different well, from the extra weight i seem to be wearing i've never actually put so much things on my usual attire consist of a simple T- shirt, a pair of pants, and some chucks. so I'm not used to a lot of things on, but this really makes me feel different. 

"He looks like a cute girl."  
"I think we did a good job on him wait till Murdoc see's him he's gonna knock his socks out."  
"Indeed." One of the stylist said proudly. 

"Okay, he's looking soo damn gorgeous like he can pass as a woman well, of course he's too tall and the heels just makes him even taller and then theirs the flat chest in the dress but honey it's kinda making me jealous cause' the face is just perfect out of everything I think his face screams feminity." By then I was standing completely awkward just taking in everything they were saying as if I wasn't even there. By what I could see i was wearing pastel yellow peep toe heels that straped around my ankles and to go along with that a white T blouse with a long pastel yellow tulle skirt my fingers and toes were painted in all pastel colors and I was wearing pastel tattoe bracelets as for my hair and face I haven't quite seen it so I don't really know what I looked like but I'm sure it would be something I'm not used to seeing everyday. 

"Well for this look I think he looks stunning the white T blouse and the skirt both hides the fact that he's flat and his legs are long also it just gives this really cute girlish and playful look it's not a very mature look for his age but sense he's just so adorable and shy I decided to make him seem a lot more younger than what he looks I also played around a little with the jewelry choice I kept it simple with the cute pastel tattoo chocker and some tattoe bracelets one for each of his wirsts because you know that seem to be one of the popular things teens wears now so I think this look really went well and we can't forget about the heels to company all of this they don't seem to make his feet look too big so it's kinda in between but not only that for a male he seems to take care of his feet because they are so cute and his skin is just incredibly soft and silky." The stylist smiled at me and moved to the side because he was blocking the mirror. He pulled me closer to take a look at myself I stared long and hard for the first time I felt beautiful and it overwhelmed me with tears as I smiled. "I look p-pretty." I sniffled trying not to cry. 

"He likes it!" The hairstylist says excitedly. "It's probably because i did his hair." Noodle Budded in standing on her tipy toes holding my arms. "Nope, it's because I did his makeup." She smiled at me through the mirror. "Huh, D?" I nodded happily. "It's everything, everything."  
"Well, we hoped so, I gave you a nice long 1920's pixie cut that curls behind your ears showing the pair of of white daisy earrings I selected." The hair stylist said cheerfully. "And I did a soft pastel eyeshadow for your eyes a tad pit of mascara beaucuse you're eyelashes are pretty long Already including light blush because you're cheeks are naturally blushy and lip gross I didn't want to put too much because I had to make sure that your makeup naturally matched up with you and the outfit we selected for you Today but next time if you let me play dress up again I'll make you look really sexy instead of cute." I smiled and nodded thanking Noddle for the makeover, honestly I loved the idea for a girly makeover but honestly as beautiful as I felt this is something I wanted to feel sense I was in high school but now I don't feel like myself I feel like a brand new person, I feel like this is how Stella wanted to feel, who she wanted to be, how she wanted to look and it was making me feel homesick it was a longing that I wanted when I was myself, when I was in high school I wanted to just feel pretty for once and it's strange now that I've completed that being a completely different person. "I love it but I don't think this feels like me, this look I mean, it's not too much but it's not me I hope you can understand I'm sorry for all your efforts and hard work." I bowed to show my respect to Noddle I felt really bad she put her whole heart and effort into this and it just made me feel nice and warm inside then the next it's like I discovered something I didn't, I dug it all up again after I barried her, Stella...."

"Don't worry about it D, I understand honestly this wasn't your look for the new album forgive me, I don't know if you remember but we used to play dress up when i was young. I guess because their wasn't any other girls when I grew up with you guys and I love you all, all of you are my family and I thank you but I've had the most foundest memories with you, you taught me everything I know you took me shopping, and did my hair, and dressed me up and because of that I became the woman I am today I just miss doing the things we used to do, you were my mom in away." Noddle looked up at me with sad eyes and a smile making her way to hug me. I hugged her tightly I never knew Noddle considered me as a mother and it made me feel soo happy. "I promise we can still do these things from now on Noods, i promise." She Nodded. The stylists looked so happy that me and Noddle were bonding. "That's just soo cute." Our attention was all robbed as soon as we looked up towards the door to hear someone knocking upon it. "It's Murdoc, is Stuart ready you took him for almost two hours." Noodle looked up at me and she could see how nervous I was, I was hoping she wouldn't let him in, I didn't want him to see me like this. She smiled at me and nodded trying to reasure me. Me and Noddle have such a big bond that we can understand and communicate than what we can physically speaking we always have sense she was little because her english wasn't very well when she first came to us so I knew she was telling me not to be nervous. She looked into my eyes and nodded again I looked at her slowly and took a deep breath closing my eyes then I nodded back letting her know I was ready. She nodded and confirmed looking back towards the door. "Yes, he's in here." She said her voice light but determined as it ever been. "Can I come in?" He said sounding patient. Noddle looked back at me and I nodded hesitantly. She gave me a small nod and looked at everybody telling them to leave as soon as Murdoc comes through the door they did as they were told and went by the door waiting for Muds to open it and come in Noddle held my hand and gave it a light squeeze. "If he laughs or makes fun of you I'll punch him in the face personally." She said laughing softly I laughed with her holding her hand back. "Not to hard okay, go easy on him." She nodded at me again. "I promise if that's what you want, I'll leave you two okay." I didn't want her to leave but I nodded anyways I wondered if Murdoc would feel any different as I do now if I looked like this, like the girl that I've always been he's never seen me dress like this before except for the pictures I've shown him when i was in high school but this, this is something completely different and I wondered how he'd react to it. She let go of my hand slowly and headed towards the door opening it I stood their silently as Noddle smiled one last time at me and headed out everyone else followed and waved goodbye at me as I waved back I could hear Murdoc's voice as he said goodbye to everyone that walked out, the way his boots tapped lightly against the wooden floor I began to feel nervous and I turned around opposite from the door clutching my skirt and closing my eyes tightly. "I don't want him to see me like this." I said as i whispered softly to myself. I almost wanted to cry so bad I didn't know what to do I don't know what he'd say if he stares at me in disgust my heart beated so hard it felt it was going to beat out of my chest. He stood near the door closing it softly behind him I could feel him staring at me and he was because I slightly turned my head around to see him, thirty seconds now and I've became uncomfortable. 

"2D..."  
"Y-yess... "  
"Is it really you?"  
"Y-yeah."  
"You look-"  
"Ugly! I look hideous! I don't belong in this, nothing beautiful belongs on someone like me!" I yelled closing my eyes finally letting out the tears I fought so hard to hold back. I could feel him coming closer to me and I turned around and pushed him, I pushed him away and I didn't mean to, I was ashamed. "Get away from me!" I tried to reach for the door but he held me from behind and I could feel him pressing his forehead against the expose blouse that I wore, my bare back against his sweaty forehead. 

"You look good, you look soo good and I want to kiss you soo bad right now for being such an idiot." I could feel my back getting wet but not from his sweat no, it wasn't his sweat it was more than that and there I knew he reallly meant it I believed it, I believed him. 

"I'm soo fucking sorry Stu I tried to apologise to you last time when you asked me if you were pretty and you are you are soo fucking beautiful and I love you soo damn much and I'm soo sorry, because of me because I hurt you soo damn much because of all the things I've said to you I made you insecure I beat you for nothing! Because I don't know how to love I don't know how to care about anyone because I've never had what we have now and I'm a fucking asshole i know that now and I'm soo sorry forgive me, please forgive me I'm soo sorry!" I was shaking and I wished it'd stop my heart ached so bad all I could do is clutched my chest and cry. 

"Stu I don't deserve you, I don't but I want to make things right for the babies for you I've changed and I want to let you know this I want you to be happy I really fucking do." He held me tighter as he cried. I turned around and huged him tightly falling to my knees Murdoc did the same and held me closer to his chest. I've waited, I've waited nineteen years just to hear him say this to me and finally I felt soo releaved. 

I looked up at him slowly and he wiped my tears away. "Thank you." Is all I managed to say. "I love you soo much Stuart please don't say anything like that about yourself again and I'm sorry about everything that I did to you it's unforgivable." I nodded leaning my head against his chest. "I forgive you Muds and I love you soo much and our babies." He nodded as he rubed the bump of my stomach. "I love them too and I love you." I felt soo warm inside and for the first time In along time I felt pretty, beautiful....

"2D I didn't know you could walk in heels?" Murdoc said wiping his own tears and laughing. "I did, when I used to go to church with my parents I had a white pair." Murdoc hummed in agreement. "You ruined your makeup maybe Noddle can do it for you again next time I'd love to see it." I smiled and nodded giving him a long kiss. "Yeah, that'd be nice."


	19. It’s Only The Beginning

"It's February now." I whispered sitting by the window watching the cars drive by theirs people walking and some running a girl laughing while talking on the phone and a little boy petting a dog that was left outside tied to a pole. "You and that window." Murdoc said coming in the room I could see him through the reflection in the glass holding a coffee mug that said “The Pickle Dad." It had a picture of Murdoc's head making one of the weirdest face expressions he always does. I remember Noodle gave him that for his Birthday and he loved it. He was wearing a black Turtle neck with a pair of jagged fading jeans and white socks that had a hole in one of them. "I don't know Muds I kinda like to look outside it calms my nerves and its very relaxing." Murdoc nodded and sat on the day bed across from me I had my feet up hugging my legs as I rested my head on my knees. Murdoc was drinking his coffee silently he smeed like he had something on his mind because he was staring out into space I continued to look out the window and by now I could see that the owner of the dog untied the leash and continued to walk his dog. "Hey, Angel voice what do you want to do today by the way? " I look over to look at Murdoc. "We only have a couple days until the press conference on top of that until we start recording for the new record." He added. I only shrugged putting my legs down crossing them on the bed. "I don't know, I was thinking that maybe we out to wait till the babies are born." Murdoc took another sip of his coffee releasing the cup from his lips. "I was thinking that too but if we wait too long then when will we ever have the time to do it by then we'll be parents." I touched my stomach rubbing it in slow circles. "What about the tour? we can't leave them their too young." Murdoc made a disappointed expression. "Maybe we can have your parents take care of them for a while until the tour is done." I sighed softly. "I don't know Muds I wouldn't want to be separated from my babies as soon as their born maybe we can postpone the album until their a little older." I could tell Murdoc was hesitant at first but he agreed and started drinking his coffee again. When I think about it it's been a while sense I've spoken to mother and I'm not sure if she's ready to except Murdoc or me being pregnant but I do miss her and my dad.


	20. Great To Be Home

It's the following day right after me and Murdoc's talk I called Mum and she wanted to see me and Murdoc so I decided to bring John along too Murdoc didn't like the idea soo much but he's thrilled that my mum invited him over, she never had before so he was greatful. My mum hasn't seen John sense we were in high school he used to come over all the time and we used do homework together in my room and talk about music and instruments, stuff like that. My mum loved John i'm sure she still does now but she used to tell him to marry me all the time and as embarrassed as I was I would whine and tell her to stop. My dad also liked John too and we were very close growing up because we were best friends. Me and Richard knew our families very well but I haven't seen his in an awful long time. Murdoc drove us to my parents house and John decided to meet us there I could tell he was excited because he also haven't seen my parents in a long time so I knew he really wanted to tag along. 

"Angel voice we're here." I looked over to him nodding. "I know, we should wait on John he should be here any minune." Murdoc looked at me slowly I couldn't tell what kind of expression he had because it was dark. "Why can't we wait for him inside." I took off my seatbelt slowly. "Because, you two haven't properly introduced so I'm going to introduce you both." Murdoc looked away setting his hands on the Stiringwheel. "I already know who he is and I'm sure he knows who I am so let's leave it at that we don't have to be good ol' buddies 2D so you can sod off with that idea." I could tell he was getting upset so I remained silent waiting for John to arrive. "I'm sorry 2D." He said a moment later. "I didn't mean to talk to you like that." I saw a really bright headlight pulling into the drive way and I opened the door swinging my legs out. "Be careful Stuart." John called out walking towards me holding out his hand I took it and he held me up helping me out the car. "Thank you, you got here pretty quick." He smiled at me. "I'm sure you've been here for a while." I looked over to his car walking over towards it. "Don't worry about it we just got here." I began to walk over towards his car.

"You have a vintage car? I said excitedly. "Yeah, a 1930 convertible vado veterano I can take you for a spin one day if you'd like." I nodded looking up at him."That'll be fun I remember you always wanted one when we were younger that's all you ever talked about getting this car." I looked over to him smiling."I know, and I'm at the place where it all began." He held me close looking at the house. "It's great to be home." He whispered. Our attention was brought to Murodoc's presence making his way out the car and closing it behind him and locking it. He started walking towards us and I didn't know how he was going to act but I expected the worse. "Uh, hello I'm Murdoc Niccals I'm 2D's husband." John looked at him seriously and took his hand out to shake his. "I'm Dr. Richard Richmond, i'm Stuart's best friend it's nice to finally meet you Murdoc I've heard lots from you." Murdoc nodded and shook his hand. I smiled at Murodc feeling relieved. "Shall we move inside then it's really cold out and I don't want Stuart to catch a cold." I nodded slowly walking over towards the door and knocking slowly soon everyone began to make their way towards the door as Mum answers opening it.

"My sweet Angel, oh, I've missed you." Mum held me close and I could tell she really did miss me. She slowly let go of me and looked over to John and Murdoc but she mostly held her gaze up at John. "And who is this handsome gentleman?" She asked. "It's Richard, you don't remembee? " I asked smiling at her. "My Richie.?! " She said almost tearing up. "Oh my it's been soo long sense I've seen my boy." John moved his head down so he wouldn't hit his head walking through the door. He gave my mum a tight and long hug. "It's good to be back mum." He said happily letting go of her. "And David?" She smiled. "In the kitchen making us some tea I know he'd be excited to see all you three." Murdoc look surprised that she even included him. "Well aren't you gonna greet your mother in law." Murdoc looked at her strangely she was acting way out of Character or maybe it's because she finally learned to except him. Murdoc smiled at her softly. "Hello Rachel thank you for inviting me." 

"Your welcome son." She said cheerfully. "now come inside before you freeze the whole house." Murdoc made his way inside closing the door behind himself. Everyone took off their shoes and coats in the front and made our way to the sofa to sit down. "David your sons is here!" My mum called very loudly from the living room she's very loud but it's only because my dad can't really hear anymore. "On my way darling just making the bloody tea!" He called back. "Richie my darling it's been soo long sense I've seen you you're all grown up now and how did you two found each other again?" My mum suddenly turned to face us on the sofa she looked over and smiled at me. "He's my doctor for the twins but it turns out he had planned it all along." I looked over at him and he smiled at me nodding. She leaned over putting her hand on my stomach. "I've never thought in a million years this blessing could happen to us once Stuart made up his mind we though for sure we'd lost our only daughter but turns out she's been with us all along." I sighed softly and laughed. "I never thought I'd be pregnant either but it's the best thing that's ever happen to me.

"I could see Murdoc smiling at me from across the room as he crossed his leg on the sofa. Eventually my dad came out the kitchen he was excited to see Murdoc and he was very please to see Richard again. Everything was great throught-out the night my mom and Murdoc talked more to each other then they ever had and me and Richard reminisce about the old times in high school along with my dad. Time seem to fly by so fast we all talked for hours about Everything that's been going on in our life's and our futures my mum had already went up to bed but my dad was still up talking to us. "I remember everything about your childhood Stuart I've never seen such a happy child like you, daughter or son you know I love you dearly." I nodded slowly smiling at him while holding his hand next to him on the sofa. My parents were old school but I knew their love for me is unconditional and I couldn't be more grateful to have parents like them. "What about you boys and your parents?" My dad pointed at Murdoc and Richard who sat opposite of us on the sofa. 

Richard gazed up at us and and hesitated for a bit to speak. "I don't really talk to my family anymore well my parents to be exact but I do talk to my siblings." He said finally looking like he regretted even mentioning it. My father nodded quietly and Murdoc then spoke. "I hate my dad and my older brother I don't see them much around ever sense I became famous and my mother left long when I was born so I don't know much of her." It's so strange to see Murdoc casually talk about his family in away where it's so blunt he never really liked to talk about it but I guess now it just came out. I relaxed back against the sofa still holding my dad's hand. I could see that Murdoc was giving me a soft smile next to Richard who looked unusually quiet. "You're starting to look way to comfy darling perhaps it's time to go home so that you could rest." Murdoc said sitting up. I looked at him and nodded. Murdoc was right I was feeling really tired and sleepy and as of now I wish to be home cozy on my bed. In a few moments Murdoc helped me up my father and Richard got up as well and we all walked towards the door grabbing our coats and shoes to put them on I hugged my dad really tightly and told him that we'll definitely be back for another visit soon my dad patted Murdoc on the back and shook Richard's telling us to drive home safely of course we reassured him that and reminded him to say goodnight to my mom if she ever woke back up again. My dad waited till we walked back to our cars to close the door.

"Have a wonderful night." Richard said standing between his car and ours I nodded as he hugged me opening the car for me to get in i did and he closed it. Murdoc looked over at Richard opening his door. "I see you around Murdoc." He waves at him and before Murdoc had time to say anything back Richard hoped in his car and started pulling out of the drive through. Murdoc got back in the car putting his seatbelt on and started the car. "He's an odd bloke now ain't he Stu." Murdoc began to drive home and I only disagreed with him. It was a long drive home but honestly night drives was one of my favorite things to do at night.


	21. Everything That Comes With Life

"I can't believe you 2D." He yelled drunkenly down the halls. "You and that bloody Doctor that's all you fucking care about, hell you probably even shagged the bastard." I looked at him with tears in my eyes I couldn't believe he was saying these things to me my heart began to ache as he became more physical and aggressive he was grabbing me by my wrists and shaking me violently and it wasn't till then I was begging for him to stop. "You fucking whore you're fucking him aren't you?! , I know you are!" I was so scared and I cried heavily shuddering praying for this madness to stop the alcohol in his breath was so strong I though I might suffocate before anything bad would happen to me. "Murdoc no, it isn't true please let me go! Please I'm begging you stop this!" Murdoc was loosing his mind and it was over the alcohol he's consumed he kept a grip on me and shook me violently my wrists were bruised from how tight he was holding them I fought to get loose and I did once I felt his grip soften I shoved him and ran down the hall Murdoc followed me and soon after he grabbed me by my neck. "You fucking little shit!" I felt like I was dying and his nails we're digging into the skin of my throat but the pain I felt in my heart was far worse than this I was crying as I held my eyes shut tight holding my belly. "Murdoc please." I breathed out my last breath. He was killing me and I could feel myself slip away I realized that we were near the stairway and I backed slowly towards it. It was either this or die by the hands of Murdoc I thought maybe if I fell their could be a chance of surviving this, so I did. The only thing I thought about were my babies as I slipped backwards. It's true what People say when you're about to die or near death the world starts in slow motion I could see Murdoc in shock as he watched me fall and before I knew it I landed on the floor. I'm panting heavily and everything is black I could feel the sharp pain from my lower abdomen i screamed in agony and I opened my eyes to see myself surrounded by a pool full of blood and I realized, I was having a misscarriage. I blacked out and I could hear people screaming my name, foot steps running by me and passed me and warm hands touching me and carrying me off i could hear Murdoc's voice as it fades in the distant and everything goes dark again.


	22. Everything That Life Becomes

It's been a month since we visit my parents house the bond between me and Richard has become just like it has since our high school years and a lot of things has happened in just a whole month I found out that I was to deliver in a month from now so Richard and the family has been helping me prepare for it we announced my pregnancy to the world and also released Humanz. People began asking questions about me being able to get pregnant in the first place the press conference was held and we explained it to everyone even Richard was there to help me along the side of Murdoc's support. keeping my gender and who I truly was hidden from people throughout my whole career was very difficult but seeing how the critics attack Murdoc was another because of it, it caused Murdoc to be hit with guilt the first interview was a nightmare for him and I remember he explained it to me when he got home how the interviewer put him on the spot about hitting me and abusing throughout my early years in the band and turning out that I'm a woman it made it worse. He felt guilty and disgusted in himself and he apologizes to me every day since I know he meant it but after the articles, social media, and talk shows got involved it began to drive him mad his behavior changed and instead of being much around he was off to local pubs to get drunk. They were plenty of time were I tried to talk to him but every time I tried he would turn me away eventually he became violent and aggressive most of the times their were aggressive words or slamming things around it got so bad that I had to move in with Richard, Russel and Noddle stayed at my parents house for a while and Murdoc on his own theirs times I wanted to see him but Richard wouldn't allow me because he believed it wouldn't be safe for me to go on my own most of the times he's working at the hospital so he doesn't have time to go with me. He told me that he would when he's done. I haven't seen him in a week and I was worried about him he hasn't answered any of my calls or texts and I wanted just as bad to see him so I left I took one of Richard's car and drove myself there he lived an hour away but I managed to get there in less than an hour I drove past the house and parked the car on the street I could see the Winnie was outside so I had my hopes up that he was inside I crossed the street carefully and made it in front of the house walking up the steps I pulled the keys out of my pocket and opened the door closing it behind myself. The house was completely dirty with trash everywhere, cigarettes buds, and bottles of rum. I walked around the house looking for him, calling out his name as I made myself up the stairs I walked in the bedroom and there he was laying on the bed with a bottle of cheap beer in his hand he looked terrible with dark bags under his eyes, his hair was shabby, he needed a bath and a shave.

"Murdoc?" I called from the doorway he didn't budge so I made my way closer to him. "Muds it's me your wife, c-can you hear me." Murdoc looked at me slowly and nodded. "Good, let's get you cleaned up okay." He didn't say anything but he didn't refuse either. I helped him up out of bed and took him to the bathroom sitting him on the toilet seat I ran the tub with hot water adding the body wash in it as the bubbles began to appear. Murdoc was in a haze he didn't look like himself and I regretted telling the world about myself because of it Murdoc isn't in the right mind and he's losing control over himself. He groaned when I helped him remove his clothes I could tell he was in pain in his heart and his body for neglecting it I could tell he hasn't eaten any food in two weeks and he's been relying on alcohol I wonder how he isn't dead yet.

I grabbed a hold of the luffa washing Murdoc's body carefully, then I shampooed and conditioned his hair, I shaved his stumble and dried him off when I was done. I held him by the hand leading him to the bedroom sat him on the bed getting him dressed in a regular black T-shirt and a pair of black and white striped shorts. I lotion his body and trimmed his nails on his hands and feet I almost smiled to myself because Murdoc wouldn't have let me done this to him if he was sober but he's so vulnerable now anything could happen when he's like this. I helped him on the bed slowly and covered him up with the blankets. I could see him looking at me and for a moment I thought he didn't know who I was but he started to cry and that made me feel so sad he still felt so guilty and I could see it on his face. "I'm sorry." He said softly as he held my hand squeezing it. I watched him as he drifts to asleep he slept for a long time and maybe for the first time in two weeks. I cleaned the house, made him tea, and two ham sandwiches I set them on the counter along with a note that read. 

Be back in the Morning please make sure to warm up the tea and sandwiches before you consume it,  
\- love Stu.

The house was quiet and it was strange to see how empty and lonely it was I left the house locking it behind myself and made my way back to the car driving back to Richard's home. Before we all left it's been like this for two weeks Murdoc was unapproachable and he was violent and although I told him I didn't care what the media thought or was putting out there about him or was digging up old stuff to say against him he was more upset that I had to remember that, that I had to be reminded of what he put me through, that is his biggest torment and that is the burden he has to bare and for a while within those two weeks I hardly saw him until maybe on Saturday he smelt strong of liquor he was yelling at Noddle and Russel throwing and breaking stuff and that's when I called Richard about the whole situation he didn't want me to live in an environment like that not when the babies are almost due but I didn't want to leave Murdoc like that I told Russel and Noddle they are more than welcome to stay at my parents house till we find out a solution we even had to cancel rehearsals and we probably weren't going on tour anymore but I kept telling myself that this isn't Murdoc's fault he's just in a really bad time right now but Richard thought other wise.

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"Stuart where were you I was worried about you and I text and called you soo many times?!" He looked at me worriedly and I could tell he was. "I'm sorry I had to see Murdoc, I had to make sure he was okay." 

"I told you to wait, I didn't want you to go on your own what if something would have happened to you, I can't lose you again Stells you know I care about you soo much." He slowly walked towards me and I felt his embrace. "I'm sorry Rich, I just couldn't wait anymore I was so scared what if he hurt himself I couldn't live like that." he nodded slowly. "Well next time please call me and tell me you're going to do something reckless like this so that I could be aware." I nodded slowly. "Tomorrow I'll take you I promise I asked for a day off." I looked at him slowly with soft eyes. "You didn't have to." I could hear him laughing as he touched my cheek. "You ran off without telling me you think I'm gonna keep working I know how this is important to you and I want to let you know that I'm here for you a hundred percent and I'm sorry I should have never taken so long it was very inconsiderate of me." I shook my head. "I'm sorry I should have never left without telling you." he smiled and put his hands on my shoulder. "Well, how about this we can make it up to each other." I smiled at him, that was so Richard. "Come here." His hand ran down my shoulder and it held mine he led me into the kitchen and there sat on the countertop a beautiful small white box with a red bow on top." I looked at him slowly and blinked. "Mmm a-a gift?" He nodded slowly sliding the box towards me I looked at him again and looked back at the box opening it. "A diamond necklace." I breathed out instantly almost crying at the sight of it and when I said almost, I did. "Remember when we were young in high school for prom you said you wanted a guy to buy you a diamond neckless." I laughed wiping my tears away. "I can't take it, but I'm glad you remembered." Richard took the necklace out of the box it was a full diamonds piece set. "I promised that I would get it for you, remember and I'm really glad your husband didn't beat me to it or else all these years looking for you just to give to you would have been such a disappointment I know you probably don't like these things now considering you carry the image of a male but sometimes a girl likes to feel like a girl and even so you probably wouldn't wear it I would still like you to have it so you could remember my promise to you." He slowly turned me around and put the necklace around my neck he took out his phone and opened the cámara. "You like it." I nodded looking at it through the phone. "Their pretty big but they are beautiful." He nodded. "Like you." I chuckled and took his phone so that we could take pictures together we honestly took a whole hour until it was time for bed. 

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Richard was driving us back to my home it was gloomy but there was no sign of rain fifties music was playing on the radio and Richard would tap along to it on the steering wheel just like Murdoc would do. We arrived shortly and I couldn't wait to get in the house to come see him I took my seatbelt off and opened the door to the car but Richard touched my arm and I turned around to look at him. "I'll stay in here and wait for you I know you want your privacy but if he does anything I'm right outside and I'm only a call away so make sure you have your phone with you he's not stabled so don't let your guard down." I nodded at him I didn't like how he was talking about Murdoc like he was some type of savage animal but honestly I couldn't blame him he was just trying to protect me. "I will I'll be right back." He nodded as I let myself out and closed the door I walked hurriedly across the street and unlocked the front door letting myself in as I looked back towards the car I could see Richard looking at me through the window he must have watched the whole time I was walking because he looked concerned but he waved and I waved back and closed the door softly. I looked around the house and to my surprise it was still clean but there was only one thing wrong as I gazed towards the kitchen I walked over to examine more closely and he didn't eat anything at all nor did he drink the tea I gave him but the note was on the floor he must had just Read it and didn't do anything I told him to do on the note, but that's Murdoc sometimes he could be stubborn I turned around and walked up the stairs walking over to the bedroom the door was closed so I knocked softly. "Muds are you in there I'm coming in okay?" I slowly opened the door to find Murdoc surrounded by more beer bottles I was completely disappointed as I made my way in. "Murdoc why are you doing this?" He didn't look at me but he seemed like he felt shameful I walked over towards the bed In front of him taking the bottle away and setting it on the nightstand. "You don't need that you have me! I want you to get better so that I could come back home! Murdoc I told you a thousand times I don't care what anyone thinks about you because I love you and I know you're not like that anymore so please stop harming yourself because it makes me sad I told you a thousand times that I forgive you but if you keep doing this I won't forgive you, I won't do it!" Murdoc was looking into my eyes and he seemed soo upset. "What is that bloody smell?" He grabbed a hold of my arm and sniffed me. "Murdoc what are you doing let me go that hurts!" He was gripping me really hard to the point I could feel the pressure Penetrating on my skin. "Murdoc please let me go it hurts! Stop it!" I cried out I tried to pull away but he was a lot stronger. "You smell like him, you were with him I know you were." I started to cry as he got up and pulled me out the door. "Leave! I don't want to see you right now." He shoved my arm as he let go of me. "Murdoc please why are you doing this to me." I rubbed my arm slowly trying to hold myself together. " I don't want to see you leave me alone Faceache." He hasn't called me that in such a long time and it hurt me so bad I felt like the Murdoc I love was slipping away but I still felt I had fight left in me and I had to get him back. "I'm not leaving you like this." He looked at me in rage as he grabbed my arms again. " I can't believe you 2D." He yelled drunkenly down the halls. 

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This is how I ended up on the floor surrounded by my own blood and I thought that up those stairs I was dying but now I really am dying and I could see the flashbacks in every aspect of my life I didn't want to go like this not like this, not without even seeing my babies I can't bear this pain anymore everything is in a blur and I could see Richard now screaming my name as he broke into the door and Murdoc on the phone crying and my eyes start to feel heavy really heavy and I'm sleepy and I'm tired.... Anything could happen when he's like this...


	23. Awakening

The blur was fuzzy but I could make-out who was there holding my hand. "Mum..." I whispered softly my mother was crying as she held my hand with her soft small hands. "I'm here darling." She said with such sad eyes. "What's going on?, where am I?" My mother only looked at me and didn't say anything so I relaxed trying to figure it out on my own looked at my surroundings based on my observation I knew I was in a hospital but why? And how did I end up there? Suddenly as I began to ask these questions a sharp pain spread on my lower stomach I cried out in pain and my mum held my hand tightly. "Try not to move too much doll your wounds hasn't healed yet." I looked at her slowly and looked down at my stomach it was still nice and round but it had large wraps around it. Sense I became aware of my injury it only started to hurt more but I couldn't remember what happened at all I tried to sit up but my mom gently put me back down. "Please rest Stu don't push yourself too hard." I felt my head hurt really bad and I held it with my other hand groaning everything just started to ache as I cried. "What's going on? Everything hurts mum even my heart but I don't know why? I can't remember anything." My mom was crying even harder now and I felt bad that I making her cry like this it must be very difficult to her only child in such a state and I know I would if my Babies where in my predicament. She took her hand back to wipe her tears. "Your father is on his way back here I stayed over the whole two days, your friends barely made it back to our home they were here the whole week sense you woke up yesterday and Richard, Richard is with a patient but he will be right back." My mother started to talk and I was grateful that she gave me Some missing puzzles pieces. I tried to reach for her hand as she finished wiping her tears she took it back this time holding it with two hands. "The twins are okay, I'm so happy but you had to endure a lot of pain after the unfortunate incident Richard broke into the house and took you to the hospital as you arrived you suffered a fractured skull and you were having a miscarriage you were in a coma for four weeks now and you barely woke up yesterday but you seem not to have any memory of it at all Richard had to do an emergency C-section on you one of the babies were born premature and the other is still in your belly but she's fine and healthy they both are the baby boy was born he's gained a couple pounds so he's a lot more healthy then he was before." It was soo much to take in I was happy that my babies were okay and I can't wait to see my son but the finale piece was missing and it wasn't till now that I thought about Murdoc and how was he and where was he at a time like this as well when I needed him most. I didn't bother asking mother and where his Whereabouts were though considering she didn't like him as much I didn't push it but I was so eager to see him and my son, Murdoc.

For A while it was just me and my mom talking about other things besides the incident I still see a little fussy and I have sharp pains here and there but it didn't bother much I knew I was going to be Okay. within five minutes of me and my mother having a conversation about my wonderful childhood Richard finally arrived he saw me with those blue eyes and he closed the door behind himself as he smiles widely at me and rushes to me immediately and excitedly. "How are you feeling Stells?" He held my hand softly then began doing a quick Check up on me before I can even Respond. I nodded slowly smiling. "I'm feeling okay thank yew." He nodded slowly and grabbed a chair close to my bed Opposite from my mother's side where she sat. "You're so strong your already speaking on the second day of your awakening." He rubbed my cheek looking into my eyes smiling. "Are you ready to meet the little one?" I smiled at him nodding trying to sit up and I gasped as I felt my lower half hurt. I could see Richard worrying and he assisted me to sit up properly. "Make sure if your going to sit up to not do it soo quickly take your time your not suppose to be sitting up but if you need to go at a slower pace okay Stells don't push yourself too hard, right Mum?" My mother looked up smiling at him. "I told em' that." She said laughing softly. They both did I loved how within the last second of my life Richard comes along and makes everything a little better my mother and him had such a deep bond when we were going to high school and they still do now it's just even stronger that he's returned. Growing up Richard didn't like his mum and Dad much they had too much expectations for him. His Mum and dad are a family of actors following in the oldest times of the silver screen that's the life that was cut out for him sense he was born and he didn't want to be like them at all him he wanted to be a Doctor he wanted to help others his family couldn't break him to do what they wanted him to do and for once in his life he felt free we were his only family who excepted him for who he was and what he wanted to with his life besides he was a terrible actor but a great Musician. Richard held my hand and I knew he was very happy I smiled at him and he smiled back as he got up slowly. "I'll bring the baby." He said softly not wanting to let go of my hand. When he finally did he left quickly at the door I could tell mum was smiling at me and I turned my head to look at her and finally her smile kinda faded away. "What?" I asked. She kissed my head and laughed against it. "Oh, nothing darling I'm just so happy your okay." I nodded as I kinda laughed too I knew my mom was thinking of something in her head sometimes she just have a mind of her own.

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He was soft with black eyes such a small thing so innocent and fragile. He's so beautiful and pure so vulnerable I cried when I saw him he fits so perfectly into my arm his skin is fair his hands and feet were so tiny I wanted Murdoc to see. How come In four weeks he hasn't been here to see him to see me?, does he even know that his son is born does he even want to see any of us?, does he know what happened to me?, does he even care?, where is he? I miss him I want to see him so bad. I was so lost in thought but I felt the warmth of someone touching me and looked up to see who it was. "Oh, Papa." I said softly looking at him my father arrived about thirty five minutes ago but I was so happy to see him when he came and he wouldn't stop hugging me and crying I had one of the the fondest childhood memories with my father and I couldn't ask for a better father than him. "It's my turn I want to hold my grandson." He smiled at me. I laughed and nodded kissing on his chubby cheeks handling the baby carefully to my dad my father sat back down next to my mom and they both started talking to him and kissing him it felt so good to be with my family Richard was still here he was sitting close to me on a chair and he went right back to holding my hand I held it tightly and closed my eyes leaning back against the pillow I felt whole again and for a while I tried not to think of Murdoc.


	24. The Day I See You Again

It's a month now since I haven't seen him, a week since I got out of the hospital I haven't seen my home either and I feel homesick. I've been staying with John still my parents insisted upon me staying with him since he would be close to check up on me I don't know why but I feel like something is wrong and their not telling me anything. I can't remember anything, how did I end up in the hospital? what happened to me? "Hey Stuart, can you hear me?, earth to Stuuu." I blinked slowly looking up it was John. "Having your usual blackouts?." He chuckled. "How are you feeling?" I looked down slowly as I propped my legs up on the couch crossing them. "Okay." He nodded. "Mind if I check?" I nodded slowly as he began to check up on me. I get a checkup at least five times a day within four hours. I went back to thinking again my mind drifted for a while but I made sure to pay attention this time so I don't get lost in thought again. "We're all set your heartbeat is normal and everything else is okay." John hasn't been going to work for a week now because he was so busy babysitting me it honestly annoyed me a little but not at him but at my parents for telling him to do this in the first place. "When will I be able to go home, Richard?" I asked hoping I would at least get a good answer. "Well, to be honest with you you're not stabled yet so not very soon but I promise you will eventually." I felt like crying I just wanted to go home I wanted to see Murdoc soo bad and I don't know where he is John also wouldn't give me my phone I couldn't call anyone and I wasn't allowed to leave the house either, I was a prisoner.

A week went by soo quickly in a blink of an eye really, a week led to two weeks and then three and then another month passed by. I spent a lot of my time sitting by the window like I do at home the only difference is that I now do it at John's home. I didn't know what I was writing about but It seemed to be what I was feeling how Murdoc's absence affected me so bad how for two months I haven't seen him or heard of him. I put my pencil and notebook down when I heard a small cry coming from the bedroom I rushed over immediately towards it. "what's wrong Murdoc? you just wakey, huh?" I spoke softly as I picked him up he was soo small he looked like me but then he looked more like his father I rubbed the soft blue baby hair on the top of his head swaying side to side to get him back to sleep. He didn't cry often and when he did it wasn't for long because he wasn't fussy. He was warm and soft as I embraced him he smelled nice he had this baby smell that intoxicated me whenever I smelled him. I hummed lightly to a soft melody a lullaby Murdoc and I made up when We first found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to remember how happy I was then, how happy we were. I didn't want to remember his touch, the way he kissed me, the way he held me, the way he talked about starting our family and now... It's just me here with our baby. He was asleep now i kissed his head softly then his cheeks and put him back in his crib. I watched him sleep a little more before heading out the door and closing it gently behind myself. I went right back to where I was sitting placing the notebook back on my lap. I missed him terribly I wanted him to meet his son for the first time but I felt like it would never happen. I rubbed my stomach lightly as I felt the baby kick a couple times I smiled to myself looking down I could see her little kicks I couldn't wait till she was born too John said I should be ready to give birth this month so I'm hoping everything runs smoothly I want to give birth naturally this time and I also want Murdoc to be there too. I stared lightly out the window gazing at a couple passing by holding hands and talking they looked happy it reminded me of how Murdoc and I used to be where did we go wrong or did we? I don't even know but wherever he was I hoped he was okay. I shifted my eyes towards the house phone I never dared to call Murdoc until now and it made me feel strange how I really wanted to this time i held my stomach carefully and walked over towards the living room picking up the house phone I looked at the band on my finger it meant so much to me and I never took it off but if he didn't answer what would that mean? I began to question myself debating whether or not I should call him. During my stay here I never thought of it But why now all of a sudden if you didn't answer what does that mean? Theirs soo much I want ask. Please answer me... I dialed the number that I memorized by heart I wanted to hang up when I heard the tone dialing. No answer. 

"Ello, this is Murdoc leave your bloody message after the tone." 

I tried again and again until I felt like giving up I tried one last time and I begged for him to pick up as if he'd hear it I shut my eyes just praying he did. 

"Hello..." he answered.


	25. The Day I See You Again (Part 2)

"H-Hello?" I held the phone tightly as my hand began to tremble.

"2D I-is that you?" 

"Yess it's me Muds where are you? I was so happy to hear that he knew who I was I thought he'd forgotten me.

"Are you okay? How are you and the babies are they okay?" 

"T-they are fine and I'm fine what about you."

"2D they wouldn't tell me anything they wouldn't tell me how you were doing or where were you I thought you were going to die I was so fucking scared I'm soo sorry I'm soo fucking sorry I can't believe what I did I couldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you! I can't forgive myself."

"M-Murdoc what are you talking about? You didn't do anything I fell down the stairs on my own my mom explained everything to me already."

"I caused it, I cause you to do it, it was me it's all my fault! Don't you remember? Don't you remember what I did to you!" By then he was sobbing on the phone miserably and I couldn't feel his pain I didn't know what was going on and at this point I was extremely lost I didn't know what to think anymore.

"Murdoc what really happened to me? I'm so confused I don't understand." 

"I though they would tell you but I'm guessing they didn't they wouldn't let me see you in the hospital or the babies I would have died if anything happened to you or them and I felt to guilty and I miss you soo much and I love you and the kids."

I felt like Murdoc was avoiding the question so I asked again. "I don't want to talk about it 2D it's too painful but I told you it's my fault and that's all you need to know I don't want you to forgive and I don't expect you to I'm just so glad you all okay."

"I'm tired of people not telling me anything I deserve to know what happened to me I'm tired of people treating me like a child."

"Your not a child 2D." He was crying even more and it was breaking my heart I knew when he cried it was sincere. "I wish I could explain everything to you but it ain't easy I'm not trying to hide anything from you just the fact that your alive and the babies are well is something to focus on for now I don't know if I'll ever see you again or my kids I want everything to go back to normal but it won't and if you knew what really happened I'm sure you'd want to stay away from me I love you soo much and I want you to be happy but it ain't gonna be with me 2D I can't keep hurting you, you nearly died because of me and ever sense I met you I've done terrible things and I still can't move past that so I feel it's best I let you go."

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What do you do when your life falls apart what do you do when you don't know what to do? What was keeping us apart why couldn't we just be happy like we wanted to. I'm scared I don't know how I would be able to move on from this especially with two babies but as of now I was so desperate just to feel anything. ....To just feel anything... to just feel love...

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"Stuart, are you okay?" He was leaning against the door entrance to my bedroom I could see John through the reflection of the window I was facing. I didn't say anything I was crying silently on the bed as my head leaned against the bed board. "I know you really want to go home, I'm sorry but if that's what you want I can't stop you I can't hold you here forever but I just want to help I've been apart from you for so long I don't want to loose sight of you ever again I did for a split second and you got hurt pretty badly you almost died, I-I just want to protect you."

I closed my eyes slowly just trying to relax and clear my mind for a bit it wasn't till I felt the bed dip beside me, then I opened my eyes. "Are you going to say anything Stella?" I looked at him slowly I was angry, angry at him, at Murdoc, my parents they all treat me like A child and I hated it. "Stop babying me soo much I don't need you to protect me I don't need anyone to come around here and enable me I don't need a baby sitter." I could feel him staring at me and I wish he stopped. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel that way I just wanted to help you that's all I ever wanted to do is be there for you I know your going through soo much and I thought you just needed support or a friend." I looked at him slowly I felt bad and I shouldn't have lashed out at him he just wanted to help me but I was just tired of feeling useless like I didn't know anything. "I'm sorry I think I'm just depressed now I don't know what happened to me or what's going to happen I feel like I'm trapped here and I might be for a while because you and my parents are afraid of telling me the truth I haven't seen my husband and my son haven't met him yet and I miss my band mates and I miss my home I want everything to go back to normal." I felt his hand touch mines and he held it tightly. "I'm selfish." He whispered to me. "I want you all to myself I never wanted anyone else to have you and that's exactly how I've felt ever sense I've met you I wanted to protect you to be with you always even so we were never gonna be more than friends and just being your friend isn't enough but I'm grateful and that's why I never gave up looking for you." I looked into into the blue of his eyes they were like waves crashing over me his masculine voice was strong and determined, his American accent was firm and it always brought attention as I gazed over at his hair that rested on his shoulders. He's beautiful especially when he's sad. "I felt like I should have told you sooner especially when you came back into my life but I don't think I ever wanted to either it was a secret I had to take with me because you were married and pregnant at that and I realized that, I was too late... and if I were to say I don't think Murdoc is even right for you he doesn't deserve you and I wanted to kill him with everything he's done to you, I could never forgive him for hurting you and that's something I could never do to you either." I didn't know what to do I didn't know if I wanted to keep crying or just not say anything anymore. "Your not selfish I know you, your the kindest and caring person I know and if you were selfish you would have tried to separate us but that wasn't your intention at all you just wanted to help me and find me again so no, your not selfish you just want to paint yourself as the bad guy but your really not." I felt his touch as he embraced me I could feel his breath against my neck he was warm and this is exactly what I needed what I wanted what I craved. "I talked to Murdoc today." He looked at me slowly. "He wouldn't tell me what happened to me but I was hoping you would, I need it to know because my marriage depends on it." 

"You don't need him and he doesn't deserve you." 

"I know he doesn't deserve me and he knows it too." He nodded slowly looking at me with those soft eyes again." "Murdoc has been having trouble ever sense the release of Humanz the media was becoming overwhelming for him when they brought up the past events of his abuse towards you especially during the press conference when we announced your pregnancy and your real gender supposedly he felt guilty and that made him turn out this way that it effected him because He was reminded of what he did to you Noodle, Russel, and Including you had to move out because things got so bad with him he was aggressive and constantly drinking and Russell and Noddle moved in with your parents for a couple days and you moved in with me you were desperate to see him and you were there for him whenever he needed you, I was busy with work so I couldn't take you but I promised that I would take when I got a day off in order to do so but before I could you left because you were so worried about him I was afraid but it turned out you was okay. The second time I took you that's the day the incident happened which was the very next day." I looked down slowly I couldn't remember any of it I don't remember this happening and I wish I did I want to remember. "I wasn't there inside the house with you and I regret doing that I'm not sure what happened I was waiting outside for you in the car to return I heard you scream and it made my heart hurt I could almost feel it, it was painful to hear. I ran over towards the house, it was locked it took me a while to break in the door and when I finally did I saw you on the floor in front of the stairs you were bleeding out from your head and from the miscarriage I thought you were going to die you lost soo much blood it's incredible you're still here, you are extremely strong and the babies are too." He was rubbing my back now and I know this was hard to hard for him to just tell me all of this now but I need to know, I need to know what happened. 

"So did Murdoc really pushed me down the stairs?"

"I'm not sure, but he explained it when the police came he was arrested but later was released because you wasn't available for questioning the investigation is still going though. Because of the short coma you had they couldn't ask you any questions that's when they released him so they were planning whenever you woke up and recovered they would come to you to finally solve what happened in that house but you lost all memory including from where it began, the conference. When Murdoc was being interrogated he said that he wasn't in the clear mind due to soo much alcohol he had consumed he said that you came over to comfort him he said you took the bottle out of his hand but that didn't make him snap it was the smell of me that did he said he did get physical that he grabbed your wrist and sure enough when I checked them the marks were there he said he didn't want to talk to you at the moment so he took you out the room you were persistent and you didn't want to leave you wanted to continue being there for him but he was pushing you away he said he had so much fear that you were having an affair with me he said everything was crumbling down and that he was bound to loose you then he started getting more aggressive he said he shook you violently and he still had a hold of your wrists and he accused you of cheating and it hurt him that he callled you a whore and that he didn't trust you right when he was explaining this he broke down and he didn't want to talk about it anymore the police said he was a crying mess which led them to believe that he was indeed hurt by this, by his actions and the wrong he commited towards you when he calmed down he started talking again he said you shoved him because you were trying to get away he then remembered you ran down the hall and he snapped and went after you then he admitted that he choked you and that he didn't realize that you two were standing near the stairs he wasn't sure if you fell backwards on purpose or if you lost your balance or if he even pushed you himself he said it all happened soo quickly that he didn't have time to catch you and before he knew it you already landed he said he was starting to feel suicidal because he knew he hurt you and he couldn't bare to find out that he killed you and his unborn children he said he couldn't even bare what he did to you then and all the other times and that's all I know." It was so much to take in and I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing that's why Murdoc didn't want to talk about it because it was just too painful for him. "I think it is true I don't exactly remember but one thing about Murdoc is that he doesn't lie even when we first started dating he Cheated on me with some girl I used to date she was originally in the band but after that she was later replaced by Noddle I confronted him about it (after Russel punched the living soul out of his crooked nose) something that I've always been scared to do even before we were together he admitted to cheating and he said he was sorry that he regretted it he said that he was just confused because he didn't want to admit that he would have to be with a guy, and sexuality he was frustrated he didn't know I was girl but after that I told him and he never cheated again. It's strange Murdoc asked no questions and fully put his trust on me that I was a real girl just different a different one.

"I don't know what I can do but I've always loved you and I know I can take care you and the kids I can provide and respect you I can be your partner and you won't ever have to feel the way you did when you was with him i promise to protect you just please let me be that man let me the one to show you what it is to love someone as much as I love you just give me a chance to prove it to you, you don't have to live like this anymore you don't deserve what he did and the kids deserve a father and I don't think Murdoc is it I know I have no right to claim them but maybe I can be their father too you don't have to be mine I wish you could be but I won't force it on you I can be there for you as along as you need me to I will never turn you away no matter what I'll be there."

It was a big confession and I wasn't ready to give him an answer I really love Murdoc and I will always love him I can't just let him go without a fight but I can't keep excepting this and what he is anymore my children could have died I didn't care about me but my babies, it would have killed me if I survived and I lost them. I did love John I love him soo much and I have sense high school but after what happened I didn't think he would want to be with the person I have became so I left everything behind including who I was, even the girl he cared about so much, even him.

"Give me time to think about all of this I have to talk it out with Murdoc it's about time I had an adult talk with him something I haven't done in a while but when I'm done I promise I'll give you an answer." He looked so relieved and happy and I didn't know why, I didn't know their was someone who could love me as much as he did out there how could he love me more than than Murdoc did or maybe both their love was the same but I felt like John, John possibly loves me more I could feel it I could be wrong and maybe I was wrong. "Thank you for even considering I'm grateful." His voice was soft now almost soothing and his hug was even more so and when we locked eyes he was close so close I could feel his breath against my lips those eyes full of determination, why can't I look away?


	26. It’s Time We Said Goodbye

Was he going to stop me or was he just going to let this happen a part of me wanted to but then apart of me didn't, I wanted to be happy just as much as anyone else did and maybe This was it, it was time.

"Do you John Richard Richmond take this woman Stella Valenia Pot to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto her for as long as you both shall live?  
If so, answer " I DO."

"I do." He breathed softly.

"Stella Valenia Pot do you take John Richard Richmond to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, to love, honor and obey, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live?  
If so, answer " I DO. "

Can I continue, or do I.... I could see Murdoc in the back just staring at me I could see the pain look in his eyes and the tears that fell from it.

"I do." I felt my heart break a little but held my head high.

"If there be anyone present who may show just and lawful cause why this couple may not be legally wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace. John looked into my eyes and I could see that he wanted to cry he looked soo happy and I didn't want anyone to ruin it I wanted him to be happy forever because he deserved it, he deserved it so much finally after soo long.

No one answered not even Murdoc who stood there by the entrance leaning back against the gates with his arms crossed and his head held low his shabby bang's covering his eyes. I felt John hold my hands slowly and it took me by surprise. I felt the cool ring slipped on my finger and I smiled up at him doing the same for his finger.

"By the authority vested in the book Of god I now pronounce you man and wife and what God hath joined together, let no man nor woman put asunder, you may kiss the bride."

After Our kiss... he was gone... I wanted to go after him but my legs they wouldn't move they wouldn't run and now I belonged to someone else.

"Mr. and Mrs. Richmond ladies and gentlemen." I could hear the claps and the cheers the joyful smiles by friends and family, I should be happy right? I am...

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"D you look so beautiful." Noodle said softly.

"Thank you Noods have you seen Muds I need to talk to him." I looked down at her slowly holding her by her shoulder. 

"He went around the back he's smoking a cigarette but I think this is very overwhelming for him to be here so don't approach him too quickly D, okay?." 

"Yeah, I'll be back." She nodded. Everyone was here John's family and friends and mines I finally got to see his parents again after two months ago during the wedding planning and they were the kindest people I've always remembered them to be I was happy when they told John that they were soo proud of him and that they were sorry they ever tried to change who he was to keep their family legacy his father told him he was proud to have a Doctor as his son in the Richmond family and he was crying heavenly that day pure of happiness even Richard's younger siblings were there. As I held my long dress running out the gate and around the back. It led to a beautiful forest path and below it down the hill was the sea as I followed the path the same music from the Venue was playing as I got closer There I noticed him standing right were Noddle said he would be, smoking a cigarette. "Hey!" I yelled at him as he tuned around slowly he wasn't crying anymore but he did look sad. I looked away from him slowly putting my dress down and slipping my heels off my feet then I removed the long vail from my head dropping it next to the shoes.

"What?" he answered not turning around to look at me I slowly walked towards him as I felt my feet against the soft grass. He continued to smoke his cigarette. "Congratulations Mrs. Richmond I wish full happiness for you and the groom." He said quietly as I nodded slowly smiling. "Thank yew Mu'doc that's a bit nice." He nodded. "You want a fag?" I nodded taking one from him as he lit it up for me. "You look gorgeous 2D just like you did on our wedding day." He smiled sadly and I could tell that all of this was just bittersweet. I smoked quietly I've been wanting a cigarette for such a long time ever sense I gave birth to Blu and that was about ten months ago. "Thank you Muds, it means so much to me that your ere'." He smiled as he gazed towards the forests and down the pathway that was illuminated by beautiful fairy lights that hanged from the trees. "I wouldn't miss it for the world." Murdoc finished his cigarette and burned the bud with the tip of his tongue putting it in his pocket. "I'm glad the both of you invited me." I nodded as I smiled slowly I felt so relaxed now and everything just felt right. "I wanted to run away, I wanted to take you with me, it's silly isn't it?" I looked at him slowly and looked back ahead. "I don't think it's silly re'allie, I was thinkin' the same thing but... I also felt like I want'ed to remain by John's side apart of me feels deeply connected to em' and I probably wouldn't have gone but fo' some reason I was hopin' yew would do summfink' like that, I must have changed my mind last min', I did, and that's when John looked into my eyes and I could see how he was so happy and that made me change my mind, that made me realized how much I luv em' too." Murdoc Nodded slowly as he slid his hands in the pocket of his black suit the soft Music that was playing gently began to fade away and melancholy hill started playing me and and Murdoc slowly looked at each other then looked away as we got a bit silent.

"Hey, you wanna dance our song is playing?" I could see him looking at me as I breathed the smoke out through my lips I finished the cigarette and Murdoc took the bud from me putting that one in his pocket as well. "Yee we can dance Muds." I looked at him slowly letting my hand out as he took it Murdoc place his other hand on the small of my back as we began to sway to the music slowly. "Member' we danced to this song for our first dance at our wedding." I smiled nodding."I remembered I was trying so hard not step on your heels they made you extremely taller even my boots weren't enough to catch up to you." I laughed looking at him. "Yew danced really well I think that my favorite part of the reception was how you made that speech I think that was r'eally sweet Mu'doc." Murdoc smiled up at me parting his lips. "My favorite part is when you said I do, I really thought you were gonna run from me but you said It almost immediately." I looked at him slowly and I could tell he meant it he was scared and I could tell he was right now. "I wasn't gonna run from yew I haven't before, I haven't now, so why would I within that moment? I could never run from yew Muds you ran from me." He looked down slowly. "I didn't want to hurt you any further, I really tried but I kick myself everyday because I felt like didn't try hard enough I didn't want to keep doing what I've always been doing to you I just wanted you to be happy even so it's without me." We stayed like that for a while till the song was over and the next one started to play Murdoc is a good dancer he's always been and most people don't really know that besides me and the band especially sense I'm a lot more taller than he is he knows how to dance with me and it made sad that this was our last one, our last dance. I didn't want to think about how pained the both of us were I didn't want to remember how happy we were when we got married it was just too sad.

"2D I don't want to let you go but I have a long time ago so why do I feel so sad now?" I looked down at him slowly as he rested his head against my chest. "I don't know Muds." Is all i managed to say I knew, I am a terrible liar and Murdoc could see right through it even so he wasn't looking at me. "I don't want to hold you I'm sure the reception is gonna start at any moment I hope your husband don't mind I stole his first dance." He chuckled as he looked up at me I smiled at him as I gazed into that beautiful smile he had but it quickly faded away. "I'll head back first then." Murdoc nodded slowly his back was turned to me but he didn't want to let go of my hand.

"I should have fought harder for you and now I can't stand seeing you in the arms of another man I don't want to let you go but I know this is it, this the moment I have to." Our fingertips were holding and Murdoc finally let go as he released a sad sob. I stood there for a while gripping my dress as my thoughts got loud 'you didn't have to, you didn't have to let me go I didn't want you to but you decided this on your own and now, now you regret it.' "Good bye, I will always love you no matter what don't ever forget that Murdoc Niccals." I wanted to cry but I didn't, I didn't I was way passed that now their were nights the very early ones where me and Murdoc were going through our divorce I cried myself to sleep every night to the point I couldn't breathe to the point I felt like I was dying I screamed his name every night for the past five months but he wasn't there to comfort me he wasn't there to save me; nightmare after nightmare he wasn't there and I began to feel Custom to it like it was normal it wasn't till now that I realized how much it hurts how much it pained me. I picked up the vail and heels off the floor and turned back around one last time to look at him he was facing ahead towards the forest and I knew he had that pitiful sobbing mess of a face and I didn't want to be there any longer to see it. This is our goodbye.


	27. Safe In Your Arms (Part 2)

"Hey beautiful I missed yah soo much." I smiled at the sight of Murdoc holding Blu while he showered her in kisses. Jr. started to walk towards his father as his little legs wobbled towards him he falls on his tushy and he just sat there looking up at him. Murdoc laughed and acknowledge that he was near his foot and picked him up giving him kisses too as he squirmed and giggled. 

"They got so big sense the last I've seen them Stu." He said with a smile on his face. I smiled back and nodded. "It's only been a week Muds." I got up off the floor and walked over standing In front of Murdoc kissing blu's chubby cheeks. "Im glad yewr here the babies were starting to miss you." He laughed as Jr. was grabbing his nose and pulling it. "I'm glad too you look great." I smiled at him blushing. "Thanks I've been working out, but you look good too Muds." He smiled at me. "Thank you I've been working out too." I laughed and took blu from him kissing her on her head. "You know the Twins looks more like you but I'm glad they don't look like me." I looked at him slowly as Murdoc was kissing Jr's small hands. "Jr. looks just like yew jus' without the green skin and the Raven' locks." Murdoc nodded agreeing with me. "I didn't think he would have blue hair too but it suits him, it suits them both." He smiled softly and I smiled back at him.

Murdoc is a wonderful father and this is exactly how I pictured our life would be with our children except we would have still been married. Co parenting with him is very easy we're like best friends so we understand everyfing' especially when it comes to the babies. Murdoc is allowed to come whenever he'd like so its unlimited to how much he gets to see the kids. For a while I didn't think I would be able to live in a big fancy home that John moved us in we were closer to my parents but I did miss the old house I lived in with Murdoc, Noddle, and Russel it later got evicted due to Murdoc's absence but some how he was able to get it back and now Russel and Noddle lives there. Murdoc decided to get his own flat that was much closer to where we lived especially appropriate for the twins to come visit sometimes.

After the wedding I didn't see Murdoc for a while it wasn't till last week I finally saw him again after his long hiatus. I'm guessing he needed more time to forget about me, to forget what we were, what we had and all we wanted to be, what we were supposed to continuously be. We were just close friends now, parents, old lovers who still loved each other. We spent the whole day playing with them in the nursery till they fell asleep it felt nice that I could still have Murdoc around when the babies went to bed nothing has changed for us we were still the same and that made things feel just how they've always been. "Wanna watch a Zombie flick?." Murdoc nodded sheepishly I could tell he was tired. "Those kids are restless they have a lot of energy." I chuckled. "They're young they take after their father too." I put the movie on and sat back on the couch next to Murdoc as he silently chuckled to himself. I sighed a little rubbing my face tiredly I was pretty beat myself having two small kids around is a lot of work but having them made my life soo much sweeter and I loved them so much. 

I Remember when I gave birth to Blu Murdoc was there holding my hand the whole time he was supporting me and encouraging me and when we heard those first little cries i could see him crying so relieved that my pain was over it was all worth it for her compared to anything in there world I was fine. John delivered her I was happy even so the babies weren't his he still treated them like they were his own and he loved them so dearly. When Murdoc held her for the first time she was so cradled into his arms she fit perfectly. She was so beautiful she had this glow to her like her brother did when I first held him. Murdoc was crying he was over-whelmed with soo much happiness he felt like nothing mattered besides this very moment around this time me and Murdoc were already divorced but we're great parents and we loved them soo much even before they were born and that unconditional love could never end.

I heard my cellphone ringing in my pocket and I quickly pull it out answering it.  
"Ello, 2D speakin"  
"Hello darling."  
"Hi, how's is my wonderful hubby doin?"  
"I'm quite well thank maybe just a little bit tired but overall okay I just wanted to call and see how you were doing."  
"Everything is fine and Muds is here with me the babies are finally sound asleep they were great today."  
"That's good, beautiful tell Murdoc I said hi and also I might not be coming home anytime soon so don't wait up for me their's a patient here that's in Critical condition and it seems I have to stay over night to make sure he's alright tell Murdoc if he can stay there with you." I could hear someone talking to him and telling him that someone had just woken up and that he needed to be there as soon as he could.  
"Hey listen Stu I have to go but I'll call soon again in the morning I love you and the babies okay."  
"I love yew too bye." I hanged up.

I smiled and turned to Murdoc who was sitting quietly looking at his phone. "John said hi." He kept his eyes on his phone still and answered me back. "Oh, when he calls you back you can tell em' I said the same." I nodded slowly looking ahead at the telly it was already four minutes into the movie and I started saying the dialogue at the same time as the main protagonist. "Oh I almost forgot John told me if yew could stay tonite sense he's not gonna be ere, I mean I could stay ere' by myself but he always fink' I need elp." Murdoc put his phone down and slipped it back into his pocket. "Don't worry Angel voice I'll be staying over." I nodded and looked back at the TV.

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It was already eleven thirty two I opened my eyes to find Murdoc cuddling against me it felt warm, this distant touch became familiar almost nostalgic I just couldn't remember it clearly but I've felt this before, I felt safe in his arms.


End file.
